CarlyMarie

Amethyst Butterfly Winners

2011-03-27T21:07:00.000-07:00

The winners of my Amethyst Butterfly Giveaway are:

Kyla Ann's Mother

Colleen H for Maggie

and Taya's Family

Congratulations :) Please send me an email at carlymariedudley@gmail.com so that I can email you Kyla's, Maggie's and Taya's Amethyst Butterflies to you.

Thank you to everyone who entered!

With love,

Amethyst

2011-03-25T19:37:00.000-07:00

Giveaway Now Closed

When I was a little girl I used to collect rocks and semi precious stones. My absolute favourite crystal was Amethyst. I remember lying out in our back garden holding my Amethyst stone up to the sun. I marveled at the colour that would shine through the stone and all the cracks inside it. I couldn't believe the earth could naturally create such pieces of magic.

Last night while I was at the beach I watched the sun reflect through the crashing waves. It reminded me of the times I would look at the sun through my Amethyst crystals. I drew this butterfly with the sweetest of childhood memories in my heart. She is now in my collection at my Butterfly Gallery.

I have named her Amethyst.

Today I am giving away 3 Amethyst Butterfly Tributes. If you would like to enter this giveaway please leave your choice of name/s for the butterfly in a comment below. To all my sweet friends on facebook who usually enter on my page, due to regulations on facebook I am no longer able to hold giveaways on there. I only read the rules late last night! Apparently whole businesses that conduct giveaways on facebook are having their pages deleted so that was a good enough reason to change my giveaways to my blog!

You can enter your name into the name/url option in the comment section. If you choose to post as anonymous please remember to leave your name as well as your childrens :)

Good luck everyone :)

Much love and many blessings,

The Story of Christian

2011-03-19T00:22:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen the childrens animation Surfs Up? Well if you haven’t there is a scene where Cody the main character who happens to be a surfing penguin gets dumped by a monster wave. Every time he makes his way back to the surface of the water there is another wave crashing down on him. This continues until he finally cracks his head on a rock and passes out.

If I could explain to you the feeling of losing a child it would be the above paragraph only I am neither a penguin nor a pro surfer!

On the 17^th of January 2007 I went for a routine ultrasound to check the health of my unborn baby. It was the day that first wave came crashing down on my family and I.

I was getting Scarlett into the car to go when I was stung on my hand 3 times by a black wasp. I recalled only weeks before when I had bought Scarlett and the new baby a Christmas angel each. I broke the new baby’s angel. It cracked at the neck. I knew it was a sign. Kind of like God warning me to prepare myself for something big. This wasp was horrid looking, not overly big but strong enough to cause me a great deal of pain. I knew this was a sign that something was not right.

We arrived at the hospital and only had to wait a little while. A lady called my name and we all went into a little room where she slapped that cold jelly over my now quite big tummy. There our baby was! Wriggling around! Breathing.

I noticed the lady was looking at our little ones head for a long time. Sam asked if everything was okay. She didn’t say “Yes everything looks fine” she said “I still have to look at a few more things” I knew something was wrong. After a few long minutes the lady said she had to check something and she would be back in a few moments. A couple of minutes went by and then 10 minutes passed. I said to Sam if she walks back in with another doctor something is very wrong. 5 minutes later she walked back in. . . With another doctor.

The doctor sat down and put her arm around me. I felt all this heat rush to my face. “We are very concerned about the size of your babies head Carly” She went on to explain that she thought our baby had a condition known as Hydrocephalus and that it looked serious. I asked her what the sex of our baby was (We had previously decided not to find out the sex) as I knew in my heart that this was going to be very bad and I wanted to name them. The lady who conducted the ultrasound said your having a little boy. The doctor would not tell us anymore only that my obstetrician would call me tomorrow and she sent us home.

I held it together until we got to the car. I cried all the way home. Sam was silent. He drove home with one hand and held my hand with his other.

I called my Mum. I told her we were having a little boy but he was very sick and I didn’t know what was going on. My parents drove straight over to our house. Sam’s Mum and Dad were down south about 2 hours away. They came too. We all just sat around in shock. The unknown ahead of us was excruciating.

The next morning I remember calling my obstetrician Susan, a beautiful caring woman. I asked her what Hydrocephalus was and she said that it was “water on the brain”. Susan said that this didn’t necessarily mean that our little boy was going to die only that he would have to be born by c-section and would have to have a big operation when he was born. He would hopefully live a relatively normal life.

Susan said to me that she had organized an appointment for me to see a fetal medicine specialist the next day to see how severe the hydrocephalus was. I remember getting off the phone feeling so much better. I was given some hope. . . even if it was only going to be short lived.

Saturday morning came. Sam’s parents and mine came over to look after Scarlett for us while we went for the appointment that would devastate our lives.

All I wanted to do was fast forward time. I wish at that point I could have been shown this photo on the left. . . a glimpse into what would be my beautiful future. Something that I didn't know would be possible.

We waited in this tiny little waiting room for 45 minutes. Then a voice from down the hall called my name. Sam and I rushed in and I met two doctors. The lady diagnosing our little guy was named Jan and she was lovely. As I looked up at my little boy on the screen I thought to myself “is this the last time I will see you alive?” The doctors were very quite. Before I knew it the ultrasound was over and they wiped my tummy with a towel.

Jan asked us both to step into another room. As she opened the door for me I looked at the room. . . I knew this was the room that they tell people that their baby was either going to have very special needs or that their baby was not going to survive, as the room was filled with big comfy couches rather than your average table chairs.

Jan sat us down and said “This is very, very serious. Your little boy has the most severe case of hydrocephalus that I have seen in my career.” My heart sunk. I asked how bad it was and she went on to tell us that there was a scale from 1 to 7 (1 being minor and 7 being severe) our little guy was on 15.

Jan told us that our baby would never open his eyes. There was a part in his spine that was completely missing and it had caused a lot of fluid to flow into his skull where the brain should be. He did not have a stomach as there was not enough brain matter to tell him to swallow. If he was to survive the rest of the pregnancy he would be kept alive on a machine and would be known as a bean bag baby.

As these words were spilling from her mouth and smashing in my ears I felt completely numb. It was the worst case scenario. I held it together and so did Sam. We were in shock.

Jan told us our options. A: we could wait for him to die or B: she could interrupt the pregnancy. She wanted to do an amniocentesis to find out the cause but I was not interested. I just wanted to go home. We were given a DVD of the ultrasound and some photos. I dropped them as I was leaving. I remember everybody in the waiting room staring at me as I tried to hold the tears. I got out as quickly as I could while Sam paid the bill. The second wave came crashing down.

On the way home we decided to name our son Christian. It was a name that we both loved. I remember asking Sam how we would tell our parents. I prayed the rest of the way home for God to give me his strength for the days ahead and especially then when I would have to deliver this devastating news to our family.

We pulled into our street and I just started taking deep breaths. We walked into the house and our parents all stood up from where they were sitting and stood around us.

My hands were shaking and in a weak voice I told them that it was the worst case scenario, there was no hope for him and that it was only a matter of time before he dies. I told them that we had decided to name him Christian.

I remember the sigh from Gloria (Sam’s Mum) as she put her hand over her mouth. My Mum (Annie) held my hand as her eyes welled up with tears. My Dad put his arm around me. I remember thanking God for giving me the strength to tell them without completely collapsing in my sorrow.

Our family and friend’s were called and before we knew the house was filled with concerned people.

The following days were precious to me as I knew that the time that Christian and I had together was limited. Waiting for your baby to die while you are still carying them in your womb is something no one should ever have to go through. I noticed that his movements slowed down to the point where I was only getting a few kicks a day. I was keeping count. Over those days I held it together really well. I wanted to look strong in front of my family even though I felt far from it, but it all got too much and I completely lost it. I sat on the floor and whaled as I hadn’t slept in days and I just couldn’t believe this was happening to me and my little boy. Sam left the house and drove to the hospital to get me some sleeping tablets. He came back quickly with the medication and I went to bed. I felt like I was going to drown in my misery.

We received so many well wishes. One woman from my Mothers Group named Katherine came with a box of presents for us. There were blankets to wrap Christian in, a teddy bear and beautiful candles. I remember showing them to my Dad, he couldn't even speak, but his silence said everything.

The last time I felt Christian kick was 11am on Thursday January 25^th 2007. I was admitted to hospital. Jan came to see me along with the head midwife. We had a talk about the events that were about to take place. They wanted to know my wishes and concerns.

I was calm but at the same time I was dreading the labor. Scarlett’s labor was 36 hours long and I just didn’t know if I could bare that or not. The Hospital Chaplin came to visit us. He was a gentle soul and had much sympathy. He explained our options for Christians remains. We decided we would have him cremated at the hospital.

I was induced by a drug called Misoprostol. They told me that I would deliver Christian any time from 2 hours up to 2 days.

The hours past and my family came in with Scarlett to visit me. I didn’t say much to anyone. I felt so sick, so sick of life, sick of this situation, sick of being me. I think my family went home around 7pm. I had an epidural placed in my spine to make it physically painless. I was not going to deliver a child that was breathing so why should I have to endure the extra pain of childbirth?

I noticed as the hours were passing that the pain was getting worse. I shouldn’t have felt anything with the epidural. We advised the midwives that I was in pain. They tried everything. My body was pumped full of pain meds but nothing would work. It was 12:30am and I was screaming. . . I don’t mean like just raising your voice. . . I was screaming with every inch of my body. The pain was excruciating. At 2:08 am I gave birth to Christian. He was breach. I remember Sam praying to God to take his son to Heaven and to send us Angels.

Sam cut Christian's umbilical cord and the midwife wrapped him up in a blanket and passed him to me. There he was, my beautiful little sweet heart Christian. He was lovely and pink. He had a button nose just like his big sister. I remember the love I felt at that very moment but that love was flooded by heavy sadness. I could not believe that he wasn’t alive. He looked like he was just sleeping, but he was never going to open his eyes. He would never look at me. And yet again more waves came crashing down.

I gave him to Sam as my placenta would not come out, that was the last thing I needed. The midwives were getting me to do all sorts or weird things to try and get it to come out. I was completely humiliated. They advised me that I would need surgery to have it removed. I remember looking over at Sam. He was sitting in the rocking chair with Christian. He was just staring at the wall. He looked completely shattered. I knew the last thing we needed right now was me to be rushed off into surgery so I just prayed. God answered my prayer and my placenta came out. It was over. I felt like my heart had been ripped out, stomped on, run over and then thrown back in my chest.

Sam and I sat in the dark together with our son. Sam sang a song by U2 to Christian as he rocked him in the chair. It was a precious moment. He gave Christian back to me and I placed him on my chest and closed my eyes. I just lay there. Still. I didn’t speak or pray. I just lay there holding him. I knew that this event in my life would shape and mould me forever. I knew that I could take either 1 of 2 paths. I could let this ruin me and my life or I could let this be the beginning of something beautiful. A different life.

As I opened my eyes I saw a blue light flash out of the room, like there had been a blue light on in the room and as I opened my eyes somebody switched it off. I really can't explain it. I believe it was his guardian angels. I prayed to god that he would let us keep one of Christian's angels here with us so that we could hold a part of his presence forever.

So at 3:40 am I called my parents. I could hardly speak. My grief was so intense at that point that I could barely string a sentence together without pausing for long moments. They were so quite on the phone. Heartbroken, they told me that they loved us all.

I knew that I was not in control of this situation but took peace in the knowledge that I was surrounded by angels and that God was in control.

Soon enough the sun began to rise. It was a warm amber glow in the dark forest that I was lost in. The midwives brought in a bassinet for me to put Christian in. I had the epidural removed from my back and I sat on the end of the bed and looked at the little lifeless body in front of me. Sam organized with the midwife Carole to give Christian a bath and take his hand and foot prints.

In came Carole with a bath of warm water, some ink pads, paper and a camera. I sat on the bed and watched my beautiful husband bathe my little boy. Sam's eyes were filled with tears and so were Carole’s. I just sat there in disbelief crying. Sam took Christians hand and foot prints. I remember Sam and how gentle he was with Christian it was almost like he was frightened of breaking him. What an honor it was for me to witness such a beautifully heartbreaking moment between a father and his beloved son.

It was 11am and I could tell that Christian was starting to lose the colour in his face. I said to Sam that it is time to say Good Bye. I wanted to remember him as the lovely little pink body that he was and not the little grey body he was becoming. We advised Carole that in about half an hour we would like her to take him for us.

Saying Goodbye to a child that never got to hear Hello is wrong. Just wrong. I remember kissing him on this head and praying. I felt so many things. It was pure heartache and sorrow at its strongest. Letting go of him was the hardest thing I will ever have to do in my life. I whispered good night into his ear and I gave him to Sam. He said his goodbye and then the moment came. As Carole took Christian from Sam’s arms we cried and held each other tight. We watched her walk out of the room with our son. We would never see him again. Another wave came crashing down on us.

We laid on the hospital bed in each others arms and just sobbed. Shortly after this my Mum called. She was downstairs with Dad and Scarlett. I left my room and started walking down the hallway in my turquoise satin robe and bare feet. I saw the lift open and there was my little sweetheart Scarlett and she was walking! She was 11 and a half months old and of all days to start walking she decided her brothers birthday would be the best! I felt blessed to have her. I gave her the biggest hug that I ever could and we all walked back to the room. As I opened my door I noticed there was a big blue tear drop sticker on the front of it. They must place them on the rooms of woman who lose a baby so that people know before they enter.

After a few hours of our parents visiting us I decided that I needed to leave the hospital. I was still very weak from giving birth but I just wanted to be at home in my own bed. I told Carole and she went and organized my memory box. Carole was the most amazing woman. Her heart was as big as the ocean. She cried along with us. It wasn’t just a job for her. I was blessed to have such a gorgeous woman as my midwife.

After a few hours she came in with some paperwork for me to sign and a box of memories. Inside were his birth details, a beanie that Christian wore, some little clothes, a small album of photos that the midwives took for me, his hand and foot prints and some information about grief counseling.

Sam packed up the car and we walked out of the hospital with a memory box instead of our baby. I remember walking out the front doors and the heat hitting me in the face. It was 42 degrees a real typical Australia Day. I was faint and weak. I remember looking back at the hospital, we had left our son in there. It felt wrong . . . it felt so wrong.

We spent the night with my family. We had a birthday cake pavlova for Christian and from memory there was a bottle of champagne. I remember collapsing in a chair and balling my eyes out to my Mum while Sam sat in our room with his Dad. Our situation was completely hopeless, there was nothing anyone could say to make us feel better. We were empty.

At about 9pm Mum and Dad left. They took Scarlett with them so that we could just go straight to sleep. I will never forget waving good bye to them out the front of our home it was still 41 degrees. We went inside and got straight into bed. The day was finished. It was over, Thank God.

The following Thursday was Christians Funeral. It was held at the hospital chapel. I wore a new white dress and frangipanis in my hair. I remember walking in to the hospital with a racing heart. We got there early. I walked into the chapel and saw a tiny little box with a blue butterfly on it. I knew that Christian’s ashes were inside. At that point it hit me that I was attending a funeral for one of my children. It was too much for me and I had to get out. I wasn’t going to be able to sit in there and wait. So I went downstairs with my Mum to give some ‘Thank You’ cards out to a couple of the midwives.

When I came back up, most of the family was there and I went in and sat down. The funeral was truly gorgeous. Sam read out a letter that he had written to Christian earlier that week and I asked the Chaplin to read out mine as I was unable to be brave. We played some beautiful music including the song by U2 that Sam had sung to Christian when he was born. The Chaplin read a passage from The Prophet (my favorite book) titled Joy and Sorrow.

I remember looking over at my Mum, Dad and Brother. Mum was rubbing Dad’s knee. He was just staring out the window. His face was full of anger. I don't think he could believe that this had happened, and the thought of his face still breaks my heart. The last thing I wanted him to be was angry.

During the week Sam and I had bought a piece of jewelry to give to each other in Christian’s memory at the funeral. We exchanged the gifts. Sam gave me a gorgeous gold ring with a stone that reflects all the colors of the rainbow. I gave Sam a crucifix with Christians name and date of birth on the back of it. I haven't taken my ring off since that day.

As the funeral came to an end the Chaplin gave me Christian’s ashes and I walked out of the hospital with my son.

That afternoon Sam's parents held a wake for Christian in their beautiful back yard. All the family came. Sam and I gave out frames to everyone with Christians hand and foot prints in them. We were so blessed to have such a loving family. Everyones support was nothing short of a miracle to us.

This experience has brought Sam and I closer together and at times further apart. It has been hard on us as a married couple but we stand strong together with LOVE in our hearts.

Since Christian was born I have learned incredibly intense, beautiful and heart breaking lessons that could only be taught to me through the loss of a child. We now have two more daughters. River Eve and Ocea Marie. We are blessed beyond words.

I thank God every day for all 4 of my children. I am not angry now, but thankful that my son has given me this beautiful life that I live today. I know that the place that Christian is in is so incredibly amazing. I will miss him every day for the rest of my life. I thank my angels for helping me to rise above my sadness. I thank God for sending Christian into my life even if it was only for the shortest stay.

I found my way out of the dark forest and I am now living in the amber glow. Life is rich. Life is precious. Life is beautiful.

What helped me most on my journey with grief.

2011-03-18T21:10:00.000-07:00

Losing Christian is hands down the hardest most incredible life changing event to occur in my life.

In the early days just out from losing him one of the things that helped me the most was gardening. Digging my hands into the earth was so good for me. I worked hard in my garden. By working hard physically I was able to let out my anger out and at the same time I was creating something so beautiful. A garden for him. A garden for my family.

Something else that played an integral role in my healing process was listening to music. I am a huge lover of music and of many different genres. I found that the first few weeks after having Christian I could not fall asleep at night. I hated taking sleeping pills as they made me feel unwell the next day. So I started playing music softly before I went to sleep. Just orchestral pieces. I found myself visualizing Christian in a beautiful place just before I would fall asleep. Before when I did not play the music all I could envision was his death and his lifeless little body in my arms.

Having many friendships on the internet with other women who have lost children is by far the most helpful thing for me. They understand what I am feeling and I understand what they are going through. We are there for each other in good and hard times.

What has helped me may not work for you. We are all different. Therefore we may grieve differently. If I can say anything on a way to help you heal it would be to find yourself a hobby. Something that you love, let it be an outlet for your grief. It may be painting, exercising, singing, writing or reading. Whatever it is, if it makes you feel good, then do it. Take some time each day just for you.

Never feel weak for seeking professional help. Although counseling was not for me, it may be for you. I know a lot of women who have seeked professional help and it has been wonderful for them.

Lastly, never feel guilty for laughing. Never feeling guilty for enjoying yourself. I have read so many times that women feel they are not honouring their child because they felt happiness for a moment. If you feel happy, that is a wonderful thing. If you want to laugh then laugh as much as you want. You are not dishonouring your child, you are honouring them.

Siblings and Grieving

2011-03-18T21:08:00.000-07:00

In our circumstances Scarlett was under the age of 2 when we lost Christian. She did not understand what had happened. All she saw were that things had changed and that her parents were upset. We did our best to keep to our normal routine and made extra time to show her she was loved and safe.

If your child is over the age of 2 they might understand more than you realize. It is okay to speak to them about what has happened. Allow your child to express their grief and tell them that whatever they are feeling is okay and that they can talk to you about it. If you are concerned about them never hesitate to seek professional help.

We are currently in the process of explaing Christian's death to Scarlett. It can be done in such a gentle way.

There are some fantastic books available that help explain death to a child. Some of these are listed below. They have been recommend by Babylost parents from all over the world.

Waterbugs and Dragonflies

The Dragonfly Door

When Dinosaurs Die

Someone Came Before You

Something Happened

We Were Gonna Have A Baby But We Had An Angel Instead

Planning a Memorial Service or Funeral

2011-03-18T21:06:00.000-07:00

Planning a funeral or memorial service is an incredibly emotional experience. It is an integral part of the healing process and it will be a day that you remember for the rest of your life.

There are so many decisions to make and it can be very overwhelming. Choosing whether to bury your child or have them cremated is a very personal one. Having your child buried in a cemetery will mean that you will always have a place to visit when you feel you want to be close to them. Especially on their birthday and anniversary. Having your child cremated means that you are able to keep their ashes in your home. You have the decision on whether you would like to scatter them or not. Nowadays you are even able to have some of their ashes placed within a piece of jewellery.

Planning their memorial service may be exhausting. Ask family and friends to help if you need it.

Here are a few ideas for your childs special day.

Choose a special song to be played. Make sure you listen to the song carefully before you make a decision on it. Read all of the lyrics. Click here if you would like to see some songs suggested by other bereaved parents.

Choose a special outfit for your child to wear.

You could have them wrapped in a special blanket.

Place a special toy with your child.

Write them a letter.

If you have other children do not be afraid to involve them in the service. They may want to write a letter or draw a picture for their sibling and have it placed with them in their casket.

Have a balloon release wherever the service is.

You might like to think about having a candlelight service. These are generally held at sunset. The parents light the first candle and everybody who is attending comes up to lights a candle too. This is such a warm, even magical way to say good bye to your precious child.

Pregnancy After Loss

2011-03-18T21:03:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy after losing a child is hard. I can't lie. I wish I could tell you that your baby will be born healthy, safe and alive. I want that for every mother mourning the loss of their baby.

I do not believe there is a wrong or a right time to try for a baby after you have lost one. For me, my yearning for a baby outweighed the worry of if it was going to happen again. If you are wanting a baby so much that it outweighs your fear of losing another child then I believe you are ready.

My pregnancies with River and Ocea were a whirlwind of emotions. I felt anxious, worried, excited, hopeful, fearful and paranoid. I could not picture my baby being born alive. But they were. They were born screaming into this world.

What helped me the most was having a close friendship with other babylost mothers that were on the same road as myself. In particular there were three other women who's babies were all about the same gestation as my baby. We shared everything together through emails. We held each other up on the bad days and we were able to find the positives and beautiful moments in all our pregnancies. Our friendship has continued since all our babies were born. I can honestly say that having this friendship with women that completely understand what I had been through was the single most thing that got me through my latest pregnancy. You may want to have a look on the internet for forums to do with pregnancy after loss. There are women out there who can support you and you will be able to return that support to them just by being a friend.

If you are pregnant there might be other babylost mothers that warn you of things to look out for during your pregnancy. They only have your best interests at heart. Try not to concentrate on all these things. There are so many things that could take your baby from you and if you concentrate on all of them you are only bringing about unnecessary stress to you and your precious baby. Try to focus on positive beliefs.

During my last pregnancy with my daughter Ocea I kept an online journal. You can read it here week by week.

If you are trying to conceive after a loss I wish you all my peace and love. If you are pregnant I hope this has been of some help to you.

How family and friends can help

2011-03-18T21:02:00.000-07:00

Thank you for wanting to help your friend or family member through their loss. The biggest thing you can do to help is to acknowledge that loss. Below are some helpful points on what you can do to be of support to your friend.

Acknowledge

This loss has irrevocably changed your friend or family members life.
Be there for them. As hard as it may be for you to do that, what they are going through is harder. Sending a card, flowers or making a meal for them shows them that you care.

Speak Aloud Their Child's Name

Do not be afraid to speak the child's name. Hearing their child's name come from the lips of someone other than themselves can be so comforting. It shows them that their child matters and is thought of.

Listen

Know that just listening can be so helpful to your friend. Giving out advice at this time may not help at all. Allow your friend or family member to speak there heart. Do not change the subject quickly if you feel awkward. Be honest with them if you do not know what to say. Let them know that you are there for them. Ask them to tell you about their child.

Help In Practical Ways

Take the family around a bag of groceries. You could cook them a meal. Ask them if there is any errands you could run for them. Helping the family in these small ways will actually be a huge help to them because everything will seem to hard at this time.

Things Not To Say Or Do

Do not compare their grief to anything else.

Saying things like "God needed another angel" may seem like a comforting thing to say but in so many cases this will only upset your friend.

"It wasn't meant to be" Telling this to someone who has lost a child will break their heart.

Do not suddenly change the subject if they start talking about their child. You may feel a little awkward but your friend has shown that they feel comfortable talking to you about their child.

Never tell your friend or family member to "Get over it" This is not something they will ever just get over.

"Everything happens for a reason" will not help. What could that reason possibly be? You could never make any one feel better by saying that when they are in the depths of grief.

If you do not know what to say.... Tell them that. Tell them you are sorry that you can't say anything o take away their pain. That will mean more to them than silence.

Do Something To Honour Their Child's Memory

This could be anything. It does not have to be something grand. You do not need to go and spend a lot of money. You could release some helium balloons with the childs name on them. You could donate to a Charity that would be significant to your friend. You may want to plant a special tree. You could donate some blankets to the hospital that your friends baby was born at. You can visit Christian's Beach or Rory's Garden and have the childs name written. This is a gorgeous idea and their is absolutely no obligation to purchase the photo if you do not want to. There are endless ideas on what you could do.

Accept and Allow

Accept that this loss may change your relationship with your friend or family member. Allow your friend to cry, to scream, to get angry, to be unreasonable. They have had their world ripped apart and right now that is all that their life is about.

Mark The Dates

Mark down their child's special dates so that you can remember them for anniversary's. Remembering them on their anniversary will mean the world to the family.

For Christmas time, Mothers Day and Fathers day, remember to mention their childs name in cards. It is as simple as writing "Remembering Christian today" and this will mean so much.

Help Them Find Us

Send your friend or family member the link to The Grief Effect so that they may have a look around and be able to find help on the internet. The internet is a wonderful place for grieving families looking for support. They can find it with out even leaving their front door.

Thank you

Thank you for coming in here to find out how you could help your friend. Just by doing this you are being a good friend. Be gentle on them. Give them time. Allow them hibernate if that is what they need to do. It is not about you, it is about them.

Grieving Fathers

2011-03-18T20:45:00.000-07:00

Often the Dad's are put to the side when a child dies. They are even forgotten about. What a terrible thing.

Dad's grieve too.

You may want to read my husband's blog entry From A Fathers Perspective which is about the death of our son.

Below are some helpful links for grieving Dads.

Blogs written by Fathers

Grieving Dads.com Project

A Blog For Fathers When A Baby Dies

Kayleigh's Story

Lazy Cat Farm (maintaind by mother and father)

Elm City Dad

Cries For The Silent (maintained by mother and father)

klepsydra (maintained by mother and father)

My Baby, Emma

Irishdad's Blog

The Newborn Identity

Books Written By Fathers

When A Man Faces Grief - By James E. Miller

Tender Fingerprints - By Brad Stetsen

Tuesday Mornings With The Dads - By The Dads Group

General Grief

Matt Logelin's Blog is wonderful. Although he is not writing about the death of his child, he writes about grieving the loss of his beautiful wife Liz who died the day after she gave birth to their daughter Madeline.

Grieving Differently To Your Partner

2011-03-18T20:42:00.000-07:00

Sam and I grieve differently. Although at times it can be difficult that we do not grieve the same it is okay. I like to talk about Christian and mostly Sam does not. This does not mean that he doesn't love his son. We have both accepted the fact that we are different and therefore we will not grieve the same. We both respect each others journey of grief. It is all about communicating and being honest with each other. Accept that your partner will grieve at a different stage to you and respect how they have to grieve. Allow them that right.

Grief Book List

2011-03-18T20:41:00.001-07:00

Books Written By Fathers

When A Man Faces Grief - By James E. Miller

Tender Fingerprints - By Brad Stetsen

Tuesday Mornings With The Dads - By The Dads Group

Books Written By Mothers

Still - By Stephanie Cole

Pregnancy Loss: Surviving Miscarriage and Stillbirth - By Zoe Taylor

TLC "You Are Not Alone" - Stories compiled by bereaved families

Books For Children

Waterbugs and Dragonflies

The Dragonfly Door

When Dinosaurs Die

Someone Came Before You

Something Happened

We Were Gonna Have A Baby But We Had An Angel Instead

Information For Healthcare Professionals

2011-03-18T20:38:00.000-07:00

Firstly I would like to take the time to thank you for coming in here to read about how you can be the best of help in the situation where you will be looking after a newly bereaved family.

Whether you know it or not you will be remembered by this family for the rest of their lives. There are so many things you can do to make this experience as beautiful and gentle as possible.

Things You Can Do:

Treat the baby as if he or she were alive.

Call the baby by their name. They are still a person.

Ask the family what their wishes are.

Encourage the family to hold their baby.

Encourage the family to have some skin to skin time.

Place a 'tear drop' next to the patients name on the door of their room. That way anyone entering knows that they have suffered a loss.

If possible have the family in a room that is not on the same level as the rest of the maternity ward. Hearing babies cries will be a knife in their heart. If this is not possible gently let the family know that they may hear other babies cries and that you know this will be hard for them.

If possible under hospital regulations ask the family if they would like to take their baby outside under some sunshine, or even take their baby home with them over night.

Let the family be angry. If they snap at you, try not to take it personally. They have just had their hopes and dreams for the future brutally shattered.

It is okay for you to show emotion in front of the family. It shows that you really care.

Take photos of the family with their baby

Help to bath the baby.

Take hand and footprints.

Take a lock of hair if possible.

If the photographer services are available such as Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (USA) and The Australian Community Of Child Photographers please ask the family if they would like these services.

Offer hospital services if they are available like grief counselors and Chaplins.

Send the family a card after they leave hospital.

With everything thing on these lists of things to do please ensure that the family gets some quiet time together with no interruptions by staff, family or friends. At the least a solid hour. Advise the family that you want to give them some time and that if they need anything to call the midwife.

Things Not To Do Or Say

Do not be overly happy around the family. While this family does need positive energy, being cheerful is not appropriate at a time like this. They need a gentle voice.

Do not say things like "The baby needs to go back to the freezer now"

If you need to take the baby out of the room for any reason, make sure the family sees that their baby is wrapped and warm. Even though the baby cannot feel anything at all, the family wants to know is that their baby is warm and secure.

Do not tell the family that they are young and they can try again. Do not mention the possibility of another child at this time. This little one cannot be replaced.

Never tell the mother or father not to cry.

For 6 week postpartum checkups:

Advise the receptionist staff that the patient lost their baby and to be compassionate towards them.

If you have a spare quiet room they could wait in that would be so wonderful as seeing other women come in with their newborns could be heartbreaking for the patient who as no baby to care for.

Do not rush through the appointment.

Ask the woman if their was anything she felt the hospital could have done better.

We thank you for taking the time to read this information and if you are ever in the situation where the family you are caring for has lost a baby, know it is a great honour for you to share this experience with them even if it is completely heart breaking.

Photographers For Those Final Moments

2011-03-18T20:34:00.000-07:00

These two organizations below are made up of professional volunteer photographers who will come and photograph your child for you free of charge.

They create such beauty and the photos are yours to keep and treasure for the rest of your life.

If you live in the United States of America please visit
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

If you live in Australia please visit
Heartfelt

Dealing With Comments And Questions

2011-03-18T20:27:00.000-07:00

Comments That People May Make

There will be times in your new life that people will say things that do not help. In fact they may even make you feel worse.

People will tell you that your child is in a better place, that this happened for a reason. They may tell you that God needed another angel. People may say that it was for the best. These statements may make you feel awful. It is more than likely that this person is trying to help you. They may not have been in a situation where a child has died before. They are more than likely very clueless. This does not make them a bad person they just simply do not understand what you are going through.

It has been years since I lost Christian now, but there is still always somebody who just says the wrong thing. In the very early days it seemed as though it would happen on a daily basis. Recently at a party somebody asked me if we would try for a boy since we had three girls. I explained to this woman that we had a little boy and that he died the day he was born. The woman was shocked by what I told her and she said she was sorry. She then let out a nervous giggle. Some people just have no idea how to handle these situations.

I found that if I focus on the silly things people say to me about losing Christian I end up in a deeper hole of grief than I actually need to be. As hard as it is try to let clueless comments roll off your back, try not to focus your precious energy on them.

If somebody is clearly being insensitive, like telling you to get over it and it is time to move on, do not be afraid to tell them how what they have said has made you feel. The death of your child is not something you can just get over. I honestly believe I will never get over Christian dying as to me that would mean that I will stop loving him.

Questions You May Be Asked

How Many Children Do You Have?

This question will affect me for the rest of my life and it will affect you too. I do not believe there is a wrong or right answer here. Whatever you feel comfortable telling that person is just fine. Do not feel guilty if you feel you can't mention that you have lost a child.

In most cases now I say that I have 4 children. Sometimes I don't even tell people that Christian died. He is still my son. I gave birth to 4 children and I am proud to say that is how many I have regardless of how many are living here on Earth with me.

Facebook, Twitter and other social networks

These places can be wonderful in your healing process. But in saying that there will always be people on your friends list that may upset you with their status updates. Whether it is them whinging about their living children or just being plain silly. Try to remember that these places are for people to have fun. While you are mourning the loss of your precious child life still goes on for others. If possible try to join some support groups on whatever website out you are using. This way you will be able to find other friends who understand what you are going through and you can use these websites to help you rather than upset you.

If people are upsetting you on your friends list there is nothing wrong with culling your list. You may even want to write to the person to tell them about the place you are in at the moment and that it is of no offense to them.

All in all I am a big lover of Facebook. I have many connections on there and this has been wonderful in my healing process.

Creating a space in your home for your child/ren

2011-03-18T20:25:00.000-07:00

Since Christian died we have had a special place in our home for him. He will never have a room of his own. He will never draw on the walls. We will never have a seat at our dinner table. He will never add his clothes to the washing. He will never argue with his sisters on who's turn it is to clear the dinner table. He will never ride a bike outside or jump on the trampoline with his little neighbour who is the same age as him. In saying all of that he still deserves a place in our home. He is our son and brother and he is a loved and remembered member of our family.

We have what some people might call a shrine in our home. It is his place. It is in full view for everyone to see. It is made up with a framed photo of his name in the sand, seashells, his ashes, candles, a mirror and a dragonfly painting. It has treasures from people who live all over the world. This place is quiet and beautiful. It is in the very front room of our home which happens to be my studio. You can see it as soon as you walk in the front door. Creating a shrine for your child is a beautiful and ongoing experience. You will forever be able to add things and change things. A friend of mine collects pieces of sea glass when she visits the beach, another friend collects treasures that her and her son find on the forest floor.

There are so many things you could do to create a sacred space in your home for your child. I highly recommend this as it has been a step forward in my healing process. These sacred spaces give you a place to reflect and just be however you need to be. They are also wonderful if you have other children. They are a gentle and safe way for your other children to remember and honour their sibling. Let them add their own touches to the shrine. Whether it is a painting, drawing, a letter they have written or a treasure that they have found on a walk in the park.

I wish you a beautiful healing time in creating a space in your home for your child/en.

Birthdays and Anniversaries

2011-03-18T20:19:00.000-07:00

I have always found that the lead up to Christian's birthday/anniversary of his death was so much harder the actual day itself.

In the lead up to his first two birthdays I felt physically ill just thinking about it. The day itself has only ever been beautiful. Sad of course but very beautiful.

If I can recommend anything to help you on your child/ren's birthday/anniversary it would be to plan ahead.

Here are some ideas of things that you could do.

Have a balloon release.

Having a balloon release is a beautiful way to celebrate and remember your child. They are incredibly emotional but very healing. If you have other children you could attach letters from them to the balloons. I would recommend doing this at a special place if you can. Some where that is an open space like a park or the beach so that you can watch the balloons fly off into the horizon.

Plant a special tree.

Planting a tree whether it is at your home or a place that allows you to plant a tree is such a special way to remember your child. It also gives you a special place for you to sit and visit at. Especially if your child/ren were cremated and they do not have a final resting place.

When choosing a tree look for one that will suit the environment that it will be planted in. Choose a strong healthy tree.

Take Photos.

Anyone who knows me, would tell you that I take a ridiculous amount of photos. On Christian's birthday I always photograph the sunrise and sunset. I keep the photos in his birthday album.

Donate a memory box.

In the lead up to your child/ren's birthday/anniversary you could contact the hospital your child was born at (if your child was born at home, you could contact the hospital of your choice) and find out whether or not they will accept a memory box from you. Creating a memory box will give a newly bereaved family something to take home from the hospital.

Things to put in the box:

Two blankets (one for the baby to be wrapped in and one for the family to keep)
A small photo album
A Teddy Bear
A candle and candle holder
A card to say that the memory box was donated in loving memory of your baby.

Have a special dinner.

I found in the past we failed to plan anything for dinner time. We planned our day well but we had nothing planned for the night. The night time for me was the hardest part of the day. I recommend doing something in the evening. Have a special dinner, enjoy some good food and even have a cake for desert. Have people over to be with you. People who have comforted you in the loss of your child/ren.

Have some quiet time.

Light a candle for your child/ren. If you can on the evening of there birthday sit outside and look up at the stars. Play some music. Write down your feelings. Let the tears come out.

I hope that these ideas have sparked an idea of your own heart. I wish you all the love in the world for your child/ren's special day.

The Butterfly Moment Giveaway Winners

2011-03-02T23:47:00.000-08:00

The winner of our Butterfly giveaway is

Kelly Lynn
for her beloved son Gabriel.

Congratulations Kelly! Please send me an email to carlymariedudley@gmail.com so we can organize your butterfly gift :)

The runners up for a Butterfly Moment Dedication Jpeg are

Kristen Merritt Hilliard
For Karis

Kathryn Bonnet
For Seth

Fiona Todd
For Bailey

My Life Without You

Congratulations ladies :) Please if you could send me an email to carlymariedudley@gmail.com along with the exact name you would like on your butterfly dedication. Your child's full name is welcome :)

Thank you to everyone who entered our giveaway.

We wish we had time to give everybody something.

Wishing you all healing love and light.

With love,

Carly and Sue

xxx

Sue and Carly's Butterfly Moment Giveaway

2011-02-24T17:30:00.000-08:00

My Butterfly Moment Memorial Image
(Double click the image to view in a larger format)

Sue's Silver and Paua Shell Butterfly Pin

The other day a little package arrived on my door step. It was from Sue. In this little package of love was 3 very special pieces of jewellery. Her instructions were "Give these to some families who need them"

What I admire about Sue is the way she gives.

After Sue shared a special poem with me about a butterfly moment I decided to create a memorial image. Below is what I came up with. I have added this image to my butterfly gallery. Out of all my gallery butterflies this is my absolute favourite and to celebrate this new addition to the gallery Sue and I are holding a joint giveaway.

Sue sent me this gorgeous Silver and Paua Shell Butterfly Pin in her package of love to giveaway.

I thought it would be a lovely idea to give away the pin with a high resolution jpeg Butterfly Moment and some sand from Christian's Seashore.

If you would like to enter this giveaway please leave us a comment here on my blog with your choice of name for the butterfly image.

For all of our facebook friends you can leave a comment at Sue's and my facebook page. Yes that means you can enter twice!

We will be giving some Butterfly Moment Jpegs away as runner ups! We will be randomly picking the winners.

Good Luck everyone!

Small Miracles Blog Hop - Celebrating Hope

2011-02-18T16:25:00.000-08:00

Franchesca wrote that sometimes Heaven seems so distant. I have struggled with this for years.

But lately...

I find that the biggest miracles come from the smallest things.

I find them in the intricate beauty of the tiniest flower.

I find them in the sound of the beautiful birds singing to each other each morning at the park across the road from my house.

I find them in the laughter of my daughters, usually as I am trying to get some desperately needed sleep, I always end up attending festival of laughter with the head lining acts being my two youngest tinkerbells.

But mostly, I find the biggest miracles in the sounds and sparkles of the ocean at sunset each night. I feel the most pure energy consume my body as I step barefoot into the sand of that gorgeous beach. My worries are gone. Everything is perfect just for that little time when day transitions into night.

What small or big miracles do you find hope in? If you have a story to share or you are looking for hope on this road of grief visit Franchesca's Blog. There is a whole heaps or little miracles emerging there :)

We are all connected...

2011-02-06T19:24:00.000-08:00

It doesn't matter that we may be separated by states or oceans. Our children have connected us in the most magical way possible.

Although you may feel like you are walking this path alone, you are not. For we all stand on the same earth and we all watch the same sun set.

We are all together in spirit, and that for me is enough.

Thank you my friends who I have not yet met in person. You hold a special place in my heart.

He became one with the ocean

2011-01-30T19:11:00.000-08:00

As the sun set we walked into the ocean together. Sam, my dad, my mum and I. Our hands were cupped tightly.

As we all bent down and sunk our hands into the water we released him.

On his fourth birthday I watched his ashes leave my hands and it was then that he finally became one with the ocean.

Butterfly Giveaway Winners

2011-01-23T23:26:00.001-08:00

The winners are

Paula
For Mary Lynn

and

Katie Allan Stahl
For Jack

Congratulations ladies! Please send me an email at carlymariedudley@gmail.com and I will email you your butterflies.

Love and peace to everyone,

Lost Memories

2011-01-23T21:48:00.001-08:00

I wonder how old you really are. How old we all really are.

Today I found your name in your Grandfather's dictionary. It is such an old looking book. Discoloured and faded. It was printed in 1964. 18 years before I was born, 43 years before you were born. This dictionary was printed before I was even a thought in my parents minds.

I wonder if our spirits existed together then and somehow in our transition to earth we lost our memories of each other.

You are now the most beautiful memory for me. Know that I could never forget you.

Child Spirits

2011-01-20T01:39:00.000-08:00

I wonder what they all like. Funny, naughty, cheeky, placid, quiet, artistic? Sometimes I truly feel like I can sense or even just tell what a little child's personality or spirit is like by the way the waves form around their name. I absolutely believe each child plays a part in having their name written in the sand. I am sorry if that upsets anyone who believes that their is no life after death. I have just seen too many magical things happen in my short lifetime to ever believe that their is no life after death :)

So the other night I was drawing at the beach. I wanted to draw a fairy butterfly for Emma. I am not kidding you, I drew this butterfly about 14 times before I could get the photograph of it for Emma's mother. Each time I started drawing, something would happen to prevent me from drawing it. The waves came in, a seabird ran through the butterfly, a bee started hovering around me, a dog came over and ran his paw prints right next her butterfly. You name it, it probably happened. So I decided that I would leave Emma's butterfly and start drawing my pure spirit butterfly for her brother Chase. It took only the one drawing and the one photograph to capture Chase's butterfly. There were no waves, no bees, nothing, just stillness.

So I went back to start drawing Emma's butterfly. This time when I tried to draw it all of these seashells revealed themselves that had been hiding underneath the surface of the sand. It sounds beautiful, and actually they were pretty little shells, but boy did they make a mess of her butterfly! So I was like "Now Miss Emma, you are quite cheeky aren't you?!" "So gorgeous girl, I really want to give this photo to your Mama to make her smile so do you think you could help me draw this butterfly for her? I will even write your name on it?" After I said this, the sea calmed down, the birds, bee and dog were no where to be seen and I was able to draw Emma's Fairy butterfly and take a photograph of it for her beautiful mother.

I wonder if Chase is a quiet young man. A peaceful spirit maybe. I believe Emma is quite the little party girl with a spirit full of adventure.

If you have ever been waiting to have your childs name written by me at the beach and it has been sitting at the top of my wait list for some time it is simply that I have had a interesting time at the beach trying to capture your their name in a photograph :)

The Pure Spirit Beach Butterfly Giveaway

2011-01-17T17:38:00.001-08:00

So this is my latest Beach Butterfly design. The Pure Spirit Butterfly.

I thought it would be so sweet to have the childs name as the body of the butterfly. Whilst I imagine my boy riding on the wings of butterflies I know so many people see their children as butterflies. I think it turned out so lovely.

My next challenge... The Fairy Butterfly!

So I am giving one away :) If you would like to enter this giveaway please leave me a comment on here or on facebook with your choice of name/s for the butterfly.

Good luck everyone :)

Love and peace,

2011 - Finding Myself Again

2011-01-15T08:33:00.000-08:00

When Christian died I lost myself. It was like I died too. The person that I had grown into was gone. I was left stripped bare of my life.

Before Christian died I believe I was quite the spiritual person. I prayed to God often. I would have daily rituals of reading positive affirmations in the morning to help me through out my day. I believed in Angels and that I had them around me and my daughter always. I remember whispering into Scarlett's ear each night as I kissed her good night that her Angels were watching over her.

I felt a deep connection to the earth. I remember I would be in awe of the smallest of beauties such as a tiny flower or the golden web of an orb weaver spider. I would play beautiful music through out my day. I would read books, cook more, I would spend more time relaxing and finding moments to just be still.

When Christian died it was like somebody pulled my soul from my body and told me to start again. I was vulnerable and desperate for guidance and support. I got onto a boat where I found comfort, but without going into details and hurting others feelings after a while that comfort did not feel right. My deepest beliefs were different.

I felt washed out and exhausted. I forgot myself. I lost my sight for beauty. I let go of my angels. I stopped whispering in Scarlett's ear each night. I prayed to God, but my prayers no longer had any truth or heart to them.

Over time I got off that boat and I am slowly finding parts of myself that I had forgotten. This new year I am giving and dedicating to myself. Hah! I know how selfish! I am going to find myself again. Not just parts of me but my whole self, and then I am going to build on that.

I feel this deep calling to help others through the most devastating time of their lives. And if I want to be able to help anyone I have to have helped myself first. My spirit needs to be energized and full of life. God gave us all beautiful souls and we deserve to let them shine.

I have the most amazing year ahead of me. And I am only excited about it. My prayer and hope is that if you have lost a part of your beautiful self, that you find your way back to you this year too.

For The Broken Hearted

2011-01-09T22:53:00.001-08:00

I had the honour of photographing my beautiful neighbours son’s baptism yesterday. For my own reasons I have not been to church in a long while. As I entered the church, flickering lights caught my eye. A lady was lighting a candle. She stood there for a few minutes in prayer.

Each of these candles represents a prayer, a worried heart, a faithful heart, a sorrowful heart. I lit a candle for all of our broken hearts. My prayer was for peace. For all walking this road of grief.

What a beautiful act... to light a candle for somebody else.

Pearls, starfish, seashells and a beach party!

2011-01-09T18:43:00.000-08:00

Since Christian died I have been searching for the perfect candle for him. One that we can light for an hour on his birthday each year. It may have taken me 3 years and 11 months but I found it and it is just that... perfect.

This year we are having a party for Christian. Yeah so what is he is not here to celebrate it, my kid is awesome and we are going to have a party to celebrate his awesomeness!

Christian's birthday falls on Australia Day which is totally cool as it means there will always be a public holiday and even cooler FIREWORKS! So this year we are having a party down at the beach and everyone is welcome to join us for a picnic dinner at sunset.

We will light his candle for the first time at his beach under the sunset and star filled sky on his 4th birthday.

For the first time in 4 years I am looking forward to this day.

Christmas Day Winner and 10 Runners Up

2011-01-03T06:32:00.001-08:00

And the winner is....

Suzanne Kuuse

Susanne, congratulations! Please send me an email at carlymariedudley@gmail.com so I can organize your prize with you.

Now the 10 Runners up for a Gallery Butterfly or CarlyMarie image of their choice are...

Paula

Rebecca McVey

Michael Norris

Sarah Stout

Becky Johnston Tamosaitis

Ames

Gina Fiorini Toothe

Jessica Beauseigneur

Mary Carmickle Thompson

Congratulations Runners Up! Please send me an email with the image you would like along with the name/s you would like placed within your image.

To everyone who entered any of my 25 giveaways and did not win a prize the image above is for you. Please feel free to copy and paste the image to your own computer/facebook page.

You will need to double click the image before copying it.

Wishing you all love, peace and hope.

CarlyMarie's Personalized Photograph Gallery

2010-12-30T22:55:00.000-08:00

All of the images below are available for $25 AUS

Each image must be personalized with your choice of name/s. The photograph will be emailed to in a high resolution jpeg format to the email address you provide in paypal. You will receive your image within one working day of your purchase.

You can purchase your image/s at the top of the right hand side bar.

All images are available without wording at CarlyMarie's Photographic Gallery

Thank you for your support! All funds raised from these images go in to running our babylost projects.

You can visit them all at The Grief Effect

Sweet Heart Reflection

Little Visitors
(Double click on the image to enlarge it)

Little Friend
(Double click on the image to enlarge it)

Sweet Heart's Beach

The Seashore Of Remembrance

Candle Light Beach

The Sea Of Hearts

Sun Heart Reflection

Summer Dreaming

Twilight

To visit CarlyMarie's Butterfly Beach Gallery please click on any of the butterflies above

Christmas Day Giveaway

2010-12-30T17:46:00.000-08:00

This is my final Christmas Giveaway. The Christmas Day giveaway. Oh dear... how late am I? I know... It is New Years Eve! That is me fashionably late... okay maybe just really late.

For our last Giveaway we are giving away...

A Year Of The Babylost Calendar

A personalized Beach Butterfly

A Gallery Beach Butterfly Of Your Choice

A CarlyMarie Image Personalized With The Name/s Of Your Choice

A Christmas Tree In The Sand For Next Year

A Name In The Sand Photograph

And A Beach Gift Pack Containing Some Sand And Seashells From The Childrens Beach

If you win this giveaway you win all of the above :)

We will be giving away some gallery and beach butterflies for runners up.

To enter this last giveaway make sure you are a reader (Follower) but I hate that word! on my blog or come and 'like' me on facebook! Leave a comment below on here or on my facebook page to enter the giveaway.

Good Luck everybody!

Christmas Eve Winner

2010-12-28T22:47:00.000-08:00

The winner is

Shell Reid

Congratulations Shell! Please if you could send me an email at carlymariedudley@gmail.com so that I can get your postal address to send you the pendent!

Thank you to everyone who went a supported my love friend Sue... and thank you Sue for donating this gorgeous little Butterfly!

23rd Day Of Christmas Winner

2010-12-28T01:08:00.000-08:00

Lindsay Bell
(For Eden)

Congratulations! Please email me at carlymariedudley@gmail.com so that I can email you Eden's Summer Dreaming image.

Thank you to everyone who entered!

Christmas Eve Giveaway

2010-12-27T00:43:00.000-08:00

For the night of Christmas Eve we are not giving anything away... BUT our sweetest friend ever is!

Sue is literally an earth angel and I like to think of her as one of my partners in crime!

Sue takes finger prints from people who have passed away so that she can place their prints into silver for families who are missing them. She has done this for babies as young as 13 weeks gestation all the way up until old age. I don't know how she does it. So much sadness to endure each day. She does it though because she has a calling to. Sue first contacted me when she found my website. She placed some of Christian's ashes into a silver seashell pendent for me. What a treasure this woman is to me.

Sue is giving away this sweet silver butterfly pendent.

Isn't it gorgeous!

If you would like to enter this giveaway please go an "like" Sue-Ella Signatures on facebook! Tell her she is amazing - because she really is!

If you do not have a facebook account please still go and have a look at her page!

After you have done that come back and leave me a comment on here or on my facebook page.

Good Luck everyone!

23rd Day Of Christmas Giveaway

2010-12-24T23:15:00.000-08:00

For the 23rd Day of Christmas we are giving away a Summer Dreaming Image.

If you win this giveaway you will be able to choose the name/s for your image. We will email you it in a high res jpeg format.

To enter the giveaway please leave me a comment on here or on Facebook with the name/s you would choose for the photograph.

Good luck everyone!

22nd Day Of Christmas Winner

2010-12-24T23:07:00.000-08:00

The winner is...

Regina Cromack
(For Emma)

Congratulations Regina, please send me an email to carlymariedudley@gmail.com so that we can organize Emma's Butterfly.

Thank you to everyone who entered!

21st Day Of Christmas Winner

2010-12-23T20:21:00.000-08:00

The winner is...

Janelle Means Hickey
(for Bradley)

Congratulations Janelle! Please send me an email at carlymariedudley@gmail.com so that I can send you the high res jpeg of Bradley's Butterfly.

Thank you to everyone who entered!

20th Day of Christmas Winner

2010-12-23T20:10:00.000-08:00

The Winner is....

Kylie Vdh
(For Ben)

Congratulations Kylie! I hope Annette loves the photo! Please send me an email at carlymariedudley@gmail.com so that I can email you the high resolution jpeg of Ben's name in the sand.

Thank you to everyone who entered!

22nd Day Of Christmas Giveway

2010-12-23T00:31:00.000-08:00

We are giving away a Personalized Butterfly in the sand.

If you would like to enter the giveaway please leave me the name/s you would like for the butterfly in a comment on here or on facebook.

Good Luck Everyone!

21st Day Of Christmas Giveaway

2010-12-23T00:27:00.000-08:00

We are giving away a gallery butterfly of your choice! If you win we will email you the image in a high res joeg format.

If you would like to enter the giveaway visit Butterfly Beach and leave me a comment here or on facebook with your choice of Butterfly and name/s for the image.

Good luck everyone!

20th Day of Christmas Giveaway

2010-12-23T00:18:00.000-08:00

We are giving away a name in the sand.

Please we ask that is you have had a name written in the sand previously that you do not re enter for the same name. This is only because we have so many people wanting to get on our wait list. you can however enter for a friend!

Let me know the name/s in a comment here or on facebook!

Good Luck everyone!

How you can help ease the pain for a friend or loved one this Christmas

2010-12-22T19:26:00.000-08:00

In the last week I have received numerous emails from people wanting to know how they can help to ease the pain their friends are suffering as they have to face Christmas and the holiday season without their baby/ies.

Firstly how awesome is it that people want to help their friends who have experienced such a loss? If you are one of these friends reading this, than you should know that this world needs more friends like you.

There are so many things you could do to help ease your friend or loved one's pain. Here are a few things you may find helpful.

Firsty, accept that your friend or loved one may not feel up to participating in family gatherings or events. Allow them to hibernate if that is what they need to do.

Make sure that in your Christmas or holiday card to them you mention their childs name. Even if you just say that you are remembering or thinking of their child. This will mean more to them than you will ever know.

Do not be afraid to speak their childs name aloud. You are not reminding them that their child died. They did not forget. More than often a bereaved parent wants to make sure that their child is not forgotten so hearing their childs name come from the mouth of others is the most beautiful Christmas Carol they could ever hear.

There are many things you could do in memory for your friend's baby. You could make them a special Christmas ornament with their child's name. You could release a balloon for them (make sure you get photos of the release for the family). You could light a candle for their child and photograph it for the family, better still you could give the family a special candle in memory of their child.

You could visit the childs grave site and leave flowers or some special coloured Christmas fairy dust. Write the child a little card and leave it there for the family to find. This would be such a gift to them.

All in all there really are so many things you could do but the most important thing is to acknowledge their child. This is the greatest gift.

Try to stay clear of comments like "She is in a better place" and things like that. Their child should be with them at Christmas time.

Wishing you all lots of love for this time of the year, and if you were wanting to help out a friend or family member this holiday season I hope you found this helpful.

19th Day Of Christmas Winners

2010-12-21T01:40:00.000-08:00

Fights in my house again.... So the two winners are...

Holly
(For Jordan and Carleigh)

and

Rikki
(For Eli and Jett)

Congratulations girls! Please send me an email atcarlymariedudley@gmail.com so that I can send you your butterfly images.

Thank you to everyone who entered!

18th Day of Christmas Winner

2010-12-21T01:29:00.001-08:00

The winner is

Leanne
(For Michael)

Congratulations Leanne! Please send me an email at carlymariedudley@gmail.com so that I can email you this image in a high resolution jpeg format.

Thank you everyone for entering!

17th Day of Christmas Winner

2010-12-21T01:22:00.000-08:00

The winner is...

Fiona Todd
(For Bailey)

Congratulations Fiona! Please send me an email at carlymariedudley@gmail.com so that I can send you your butterflies.

Thank you everyone for liking Heartfelt! You are all awesome!

It is so important.

2010-12-20T09:13:00.001-08:00

Did you know that December is my favourite month of the year? Why?

Well. it is magical to me. There is something different in the air to all the other months. There is more general kindness shown between human beings. Whether you believe that Jesus was the son of God or not you have to admit that Jesus' teachings were pretty amazing. That is what Christmas is. The celebration of the birth of this incredible human being.

The true meaning of Christmas I believe is often overshadowed with stress. In my book, stress is not cool. So I have made an effort this year to do something that I should really do more of and that is nothing. Each evening, usually quite late, I light Christian's candles, sit on my couch and put my feet up. I listen to my favourite Christmas CD, Noel by Josh Groban. My mind calms down and I feel at peace. I feel that having this quiet time at the very end of each day has made this Christmas a truly beautiful and healing one for me.

I believe it is so important to take time out of your day especially at this time of the year to just sit, reflect and to just be.

Wishing you a peaceful week in the lead up to Christmas Day.

19th Day Of Christmas Giveaway

2010-12-20T08:29:00.001-08:00

For the 19th day of Christmas we are giving away a brand new image.

This image features two little beach butterflies together in the sand.

If you win this giveaway we will email you the image with the name/s of your choice in a high res jpeg format.

To enter the giveaway please leave me a comment here or on facebook with the name/s you would like within the image.

Good luck everyone!

18th Day of Christmas giveaway

2010-12-20T08:13:00.000-08:00

For the 18th Day of Christmas we are giving away our "Surrounded By Peace" image.
I took this photo in the morning at the beach where I write all of the childrens names. It really is the most beautiful beach in the world.

If you win this giveaway you will be able to choose the wording for the image.

To enter the giveaway please leave me a comment on here or on facebook with your choice of wording for the image :)

Good luck everyone!

17th Day of Christmas Giveaway

2010-12-20T08:10:00.001-08:00

Okay I am going to be a little cheeky with this one.

To enter this giveaway you have to go and "like" Heartfelt on facebook! If you don't have a facebook account you at least have to visit their webpage.

Heartfelt are an amazing Non-Profit volunteer organisation of professional photographers from all over Australia who have come together to form an organisation dedicated to giving the gift of photographic memories to families that have experienced stillbirths, premature and ill infants and children in the Neonatal Intensive Care Units of their local hospitals, as well as children with serious and terminal illnesses.

If you have walked in my shoes you would know exactly how precious photos of your baby are to you.

Help spread the word about Heartfelt by liking them on facebook!

Okay after you have done that come back and leave me a comment on here or on facebook if you would like to enter this giveaway.

We are giving away a personalized Beach Butterfly Set. If you win this giveaway you will be able to choose the name/s you would like for you butterfly and the wording you would like for the image. We will email you your butterflies in a high res jpeg format.

Good Luck everyone!

16th Day Of Christmas Winner

2010-12-19T07:52:00.000-08:00

The Winner is

Hayley Vandermuelen
(For Breanna Wannell)

Congratulations Hayley! Please drop me an email at carlymariedudley@gmail.com so that I can email you your image.

Thank you to everyone who entered!

16th Day Of Christmas Giveaway

2010-12-17T17:57:00.000-08:00

This Day is very special to my heart as my youngest daughter was born on this very day in 2009.

We wanted to give a away a flower image. Because Ocea is our youngest petal.

This image is one of my all time favourites. It features the first hibiscus flower that opened in our garden this Christmas.

If you win this giveaway we will place the name/s of your choice within the image and email it to you in a high resolution jpeg format.

If you would like to enter the giveaway please leave me a comment here or on facebook with the names you would like on the image.

Good luck everyone!

15th Day Of Christmas Winners

2010-12-17T17:31:00.000-08:00

My daughters had an argument this morning. This RARELY ever happens. It was over who got to pick out the winner of the 15th day of Christmas so there was only one answer here... And that was to give two away!

The Winners Are...

Danielle Allan
(Allanah's Aunty)

and

Alicia Allen Tipton
(For Rylee)

Congratulations Ladies! Please send me an email at carlymariedudley@gmail.com so that I can email your sun heart reflection images.

Thank you to everyone who entered!

14th Day Of Christmas Winner

2010-12-17T17:25:00.000-08:00

The Winner is...

Alecia Barron Wibbenmeyer

Congratulations Alecia! Please email me at carlymariedudley@gmail.com with the wording you would like for the image for Kason and Kai and I will email it back to you in a high resolution jpeg format.

Thank you to everyone who entered!

15th Day Of Christmas Giveaway

2010-12-17T08:16:00.000-08:00

For the 15th Day of Christmas we are giving away our Sun Heart Reflection image.

If you win this giveaway you will be able to choose the name/s you would like to have placed within the image. It will be emailed to you in a high resolution jpeg format.

If you would like to enter the giveaway ;eave me a comment here or on facebook with the name/s you would like on the image.

Good luck everyone!

14th Day Of Christmas Giveaway

2010-12-17T08:07:00.000-08:00

For the 14th Day of Christmas we are giving away our Dreamy Sunset image.

If you are the winner you will be able to choose the wording your would like for your image. we will email this image to you in a high resolution jpeg format.

If you would like to enter this giveaway please leave me a comment here or on facebook.

Good Luck everyone!

13th Day of Christmas Winner

2010-12-17T07:42:00.000-08:00

The winners are Thomas and Michelle Davis.

Congratulations! Please email me at carlymariedudley@gmail.com so that I can email you Paloma's Christmas Sunset in a high res jpeg format.

Thank you to everyone who entered!

12th Day of Christmas Winner

2010-12-17T01:48:00.000-08:00

The winner is

Katharine

Congratulations Katharine! Please drop me an email at carlymariedudley@gmail.com so that I cam email you Hannah and Audrey's Butterfly in a high res jpeg format.

Thank you to everyone who entered!

11th Day of Christmas Winner

2010-12-17T00:52:00.000-08:00

The winner is

Stacy Gazdik

Congratulations Stacy! Please send me an email at carlymariedudley@gmail.com so that I can email you your Christmas image for Leni.

Thank you to everyone who entered!

December's Pie Throwing Festivities

2010-12-14T20:35:00.000-08:00

I am throwing a pie at the wind yesterday, no doubt this pie is going to come flying back at my face since the stupid wind was so strong that I couldn't keep my camera still at the beach. So yeah a Cadbury chocolate pie to the wind. Dude seriously calm down when I am working.

This second pie goes to my neighbour Adam for always letting River into his home. Seriously I can never get my kid to come home... THANKS for you help Adam! Cream Pie in your face!

My 3rd meat pie goes to the loser kid who beat up my River last week.

My 4th and final pie (a rather large rotten prawn pie) goes to the parents of the kid who beat up my kid. Seriously if you see your kid beating up on a little girl, how about stop them!

Oh that felt good.

Join me won't you?

13th Day Of Christmas Giveaway

2010-12-13T18:09:00.000-08:00

For the 13th day of Christmas we are giving away this Christmas Remembrance image.

If you would like to enter the giveaway please leave a comment here or on facebook with the name you would like placed within the image.

If you win we will email the image to you in a high resolution jpeg format.

Good luck everyone!

12th Day Of Christmas Giveaway

2010-12-12T18:03:00.000-08:00

For the 12 Day of Christmas we are giving away a In The Glow Of Sun Butterfly.

This was one of the first Butterflies I ever drew and it is still one of my favourites.

If you win we will email the image to you in a high resolution jpeg format.

If you would like to enter the giveaway leave me a comment here or on facebook with the name you would like placed within the image.

Good luck everyone!

Peace and many blessings,

11th Day of Christmas Giveaway

2010-12-11T17:56:00.000-08:00

For the 11th Day of Christmas we are giving away a personalized Christmas tree.

If you win we will email the image to you in a high resolution jpeg format.

If you would like to enter the giveaway please leave me a comment on here or on facebook with the name you would like in the sand with the tree.

Good luck everyone!

10th Day of Christmas Winner

2010-12-11T17:54:00.000-08:00

The winner is

Keelin MGee

Yaaaay Keels! I will write Natasha's name for your beautiful neighbour.

Thank you to everyone who entered!

10th Day Of Christmas Giveaway

2010-12-11T17:12:00.001-08:00

We are giving away a name in the sand.

We ask that only people who have not yet had a name written at the beach enter this giveaway please, as we know there are many people waiting to get on our wait list. You may have already had a name written in the sand but that does not mean that you can't enter for a friend who hasn't!

Leave me a comment her or on facebook with the name/s you would like written.

Good Luck everyone!

9th Day of Christmas Winners

2010-12-10T16:54:00.000-08:00

Holding a giveaway is such a lovely feeling. But when you have so many people entering it makes you feel pretty down that you can't give everybody something. Yesterday I was filled with sadness when we saw how many people entered to receive a butterfly. All those children, all those family and friends missing them. If I had the time I would draw you all a butterfly.

We decided to give away 6 instead of 1 :)

The winners are...

Andrea Hess
(For Raegan Clara)

Tanya Hocken
(For Jackson)

Katrina Wright
(For Gracie)

Addi's Mommy
(For Madelyn)

Tina
(For Sophia and Ellie)

Allison Calligano Duquette
(For Angel)

Congratulation ladies! Please drop me an email at carlymariedudley@gmail.com so that I can email you your butterflies.

Thank you to everyone who entered!

9th Day Of Christmas Giveaway

2010-12-10T04:23:00.000-08:00

Today we are giving away one of my favourites! A personalized Beach Butterfly.

If you would like to enter this giveaway, please leave me a comment on here or on facebook with the name/s you would like to have written on the wing of the butterfly.

Good luck everyone!

8th Day Of Christmas Winner

2010-12-10T04:21:00.000-08:00

The winner is
Amber Lynn Pendergrass.

Congratulations Amber! Please drop me an email at carlymariedudley@gmail.com so that I can email you Chloe's Tree in the sand.

Thank you everyone for entering!

8th Day Of Christmas Giveaway

2010-12-09T07:29:00.000-08:00

We are giving away a personalized Christmas Tree in the sand.

If you win you will be able to choose the name/s you would like in the sand with the tree. We will email you the image in a high res jpeg format that is quality enough for you to enlarge the image to poster size.

To enter the giveaway please leave me a comment either on here or on facebook.

Good luck everyone!

Love and peace,

7th Day of Christmas winner

2010-12-08T20:02:00.000-08:00

The winner is
Susan Ledford Guilfoyle

Congratulations Susan! Please drop me an email at carlymariedudley@gmail.com so that I can email you Aidan's Christmas Tree in a high resolution.

Thank you to everyone who entered!

Peace and love to you all.

7th Day Of Christmas Giveaway

2010-12-07T23:11:00.000-08:00

For the 7th Day we are giving away our Australian Christmas image with the name of your choice.

To enter the giveaway please leave me a comment here or on facebook with the name you would choose to have on the image.

Good luck everyone!

Much love and many blessings,

6th Day of Christmas Giveaway Winner

2010-12-07T23:09:00.000-08:00

The winner is
Christy Pearson

Congratulations Christy!

Please drop me an email at carlymariedudley@gmail.com so I can email you your images!

Thank you to everyone who entered!

With love,

6th Day of Christmas Giveaway

2010-12-06T17:01:00.000-08:00

The Messenger

A Christmas Rainbow Sky

I so should have posted this last night but I fell asleep on the couch! Yesterday/today we will be giving away this special sunset set. This was one of the most beautiful sunsets I have ever seen.

If you will you will be able to choose the names for the butterfly and the Christmas tree.

I will email these images to you in a high res so that you will be able to print the images as large as you please.

So leave me a comment here or on facebook to enter! Please leave the names you would want for the photographs!

Good Luck everyone!

There will be a catch up giveaway tonight too!

With love and blessings,

5th Day of Christmas Winner

2010-12-06T16:58:00.000-08:00

The winner is
Becky Johnston Tamosaitis!

What I love about this winner is that she is doing this for her friend! You are WONDERFUL Becky and we could all use more friends like you!

Please, if you can drop me an email at carlymariedudley@gmail.com and I will arrange to draw Koti a Christmas Tree.

5th Day of Christmas Giveaway

2010-12-05T07:23:00.000-08:00

Today we are giving away a Christmas Beach Tree.

If you win you will be able to choose the name/s you would like to have written with the tree.

Leave me a comment here or on facebook with the name/s you would choose to have in the sand.

Good luck everyone!

Love and many blessings,

4th Day of Christmas Winner

2010-12-05T06:15:00.000-08:00

And the winner of the giveaway is

Angie Campbell

Congratulations Angie!

Please drop me an email at carlymariedudley@gmail.com so that I can send you this image in a high res jpeg format.

To everyone who entered, thank you! I will be opening another giveaway very shortly!

With love and peace,

"It holds all the letters of Christian's name"

2010-12-04T15:42:00.000-08:00

Those are the words my incredibly thoughtful neighbour spoke to me a couple of days ago when her precious son handed me a Christmas gift. Dani had made our family a Christmas ornament. It was a clear bauble that held a piece of green tinsel along with pixie dust, a butterfly and the most important part... the letters of his name.

Sometime the thoughtfulness of people astounds me. Yeah, I cried!

Since I opened up a venting festival last night on my blog, I would love to turn it all around and hear if any of your friends have done something special for you in remembrance of your baby when you were not expecting it.

Dani, I am forever grateful to have you as a neighbour. But you are my friend before a neighbour, and I treasure you.

"At least it was a boy, I couldn't imagine losing a girl"

2010-12-04T02:54:00.000-08:00

Those are the words some women spoke to me after Christian died. I remember how much it hurt back then. Now I find myself laughing at her. I guess she will be greatly disappointed if she ever falls pregnant and gives birth to a healthy baby boy... to think she could have had a girl!

What is the worst thing anybody has said to you after the death of your child?

Let the Vent Festival begin.

4th Day of Christmas Giveaway

2010-12-04T00:13:00.000-08:00

Today we are giving away this Christmas Remembrance Image.

It is designed to be printed as 6x4's and placed into Christmas cards for friends and family. The image will be emailed to you with your choice of name/s in a high res format and can be enlarged to poster size.

If you would like to enter this giveaway leave me a comment here or on facebook along with the name/s you would have placed with in the remembrance image.

Good luck everyone!

With love,

3rd Day of Christmas Giveaway Winner

2010-12-03T22:25:00.000-08:00

The winner was Sarah from Hope, Interrupted.

Sarah, drop me an email at carlymariedudley@gmail.com so that I can email you Otis' Butterfly in a high res jpeg format.

Thank you to everyone who entered!

There will be another giveaway later today!

With love,

3rd Day of Christmas Giveaway

2010-12-02T22:25:00.000-08:00

Today we are giving away a Violet Evening Beach Butterfly
(Featured Above)

You will be able to choose your own wording for the image.

We will email this image to you in a high res jpeg format which will be able to be enlarged to poster size.

Leave me a comment here or on Facebook to enter with your choice of name and wording!

Good Luck Everyone!

2nd Day Of Christmas Giveaway Winner

2010-12-02T22:21:00.001-08:00

The winner of the 10 Heartfelt Cards is

Brandi Derington Campbell

Congratulations Brandi!

Please if you could drop me an email at carlymariedudley@gmail.com so that we can organize what cards you would like!

To everyone who missed out there will be another giveaway today!

Thank to all who entered!

With love,

2nd Day Of Christmas Giveaway

2010-12-01T18:42:00.000-08:00

Today we are giving away 10 of my Heartfelt cards.

If you when you will be able to pick the cards of your choice!

So leave me a comment on here on on facebook.

We will announce the winner this evening!

Good luck everyone!

1st Day of Christmas Winner

2010-12-01T05:52:00.001-08:00

The first winner of our "Spirit Of Giving" Giveaway is Jennifer Orich Stick.

Congratulations Jennifer! Please could you send me an email at carlymariedudley@gmail.com and I will send you your Christmas pictures for your precious Allisyn.

To everyone who entered the giveaway and missed out, don't worry, there are 24 more giveaways to come!

Thank you everyone for entering today's giveaway!

With love and blessings,

In the spirit of giving.....

2010-11-30T17:18:00.000-08:00

My family and I have decided that we would like to hold a giveaway everyday on my blog until Christmas Day.

There will be something different given away each day.

All you have to do to enter is to make sure you are either a reader on here (right handside bar) Or come and like me on facebook.

You can enter every giveaway that we hold this month! We just ask that you would only enter once a day to give everyone an equal chance of winning.

Each night this month my little family and I will light Christian's Christmas candles. We will all be gather around our beautiful tree and in turns we will each pick out a winner for each day.

It is the season for giving and we are doing this to teach our beautiful girls that giving is a gift that you give to yourself.

So for this first day of Christmas we are giving away a Christmas Beach Remembrance Photograph Set.

Below is what the winner will receive (Obviously with your own choice of name and wording!)

Heaven Sent Christmas Image

Personalized Beach Sand Christmas Tree

We will email you these images in a high resolution jpeg format. The images are high enough quality to be enlarged to poster size. They are a gorgeous idea to print as 6x4's to send in Christmas cards to friends and family.

You will be able to choose the wording for the Heaven Sent Christmas image and you can have up to two names on the Personalized Christmas Beach Tree.

If you are entering today's giveaway please leave a comment here or on facebook with your choice of name for the Christmas Tree.

We will announce the winner this evening on here.

Good Luck everyone! Much love and many blessings to everyone this holiday season.

UPDATED:

Giveaway now closed.

Melbourne!

2010-11-28T15:42:00.000-08:00

So I did it. I kissed my children goodbye, picked up my suitcase and left for Melbourne. It was hard to say goodbye to them. Really hard. I have never left any of them unless I was in hospital having one of their sister's or brother.

In all honesty I needed this break more than I even realized. Originally I was taking Ocea because I felt she was too little to leave behind but in the weeks leading up to my flight Ocea started teething terribly and we thought it best to keep her at home where she is most comfortable. My lovely dad came with me as the plan was he would help me with Ocea while we were out and about. So in the end he didn't have to look after anyone but himself which was nice. It was cool to go on a trip with him, if you have met my Dad you would know he is a legend.

We got on the plane and I was able to do some work on the computer. I had over 100 photographs to name and get ready to post on the beach site.

The night before I got to photograph the most incredible sunset and I shared the experience with one of my favourite photographers and friend Andy Evan's along with his gorgeous family. It was one of the most beautiful evenings I have ever spent at the beach. we stayed until the stars came out.

Before we knew it we were landing in Melbourne.

Holy Freezingness. Okay maybe not freezingness but cold. Apparently I complained as soon as I got off the plane about the temperature difference. I had come from 40 degrees to 14 degrees! Some strange tall man to me to "Suck it up Princess" Hah! I was like "Dude. I came from 40 degrees" He came back with "Yeah... so did I!" Okay fair call.

Anyway it was time to get this party started so we met up with my bro and headed back to our hotel, which was really lovely! Chilled out there for a bit and then hit the town.

Wow. Melbourne you have got some culture going on. The food was awesome and my favourite part about the evening was watching this group of buskers play cover songs down at South Bank. They were so good I struggled to understand why they weren't play their own tunes.

How much does my bro look like something out of a Calvin Klein poster?!

We ate dinner, hung out in town and then in the wee hours of the morning we headed back to the hotel where I crashed. It was the first unbroken sleep I had almost 5 years. 5 YEARS! It was lovely.

The next day we headed out to the Royal Botanical Gardens. We met up with some friends of mine there and I got insanely burnt. Not cool. It was a gorgeous day though.

In the early evening I met up with a friend of ours who's band were opening for Metallica. My brother and I were lucky enough to hang out with Mark backstage before they went on. We got to stand at the side of the stage and watch the gig. Seriously that was cool. As you may or may not know Sam and I LOVE music. I don't think there has been a time when a waking hour has past and we have not played any music. Sam plays the drums and a little guitar. I play nothing. I once picked up a guitar and decided I should put it down and keep holding my camera instead.

Anyway after Metallica played I was lucky enough to go backstage and meet them. Holy pinch yourself moment. They were chilled out easygoing guys and of not at all what I expected. And before you ask... no I didn't take any photos. It just didn't feel right to do so. After a while we caught a taxi in to town and I said goodbye to our friend who we probably won't see again till he is back on tour down here in 2012. Unless we get to America before then... I wish! It was a cool night and one of the highlights of my trip.

I woke the next morning to a text message. It was Sal saying she was on her way to pick me up! Yeah, I jumped out of bed and into the shower! I have been waiting to meet Sally for just over 2 years now. And that moment finally came. There were only a few tears :) I jumped into her car and we headed to the cemetery where Hope, her daughter was buried. The cemetery was closed. We sneaked in. What were they going to do? Say no to two grieving mothers. I don't think so.

We found Hope's grave. As soon as I saw her memorial plaque all my tears started. I know this little girl only in her death. But I know her. I have known her for just over 2 years. She is beautiful. Being that close to her remains was amazing to me. I pulled away some of the earth just beneath her memorial plaque and poured a small portion of Christian's ashes into ground. This was the first place I have ever scattered them. It felt so right. I covered them back over so that they would remain there forever with her. I sprinkled some sand from the beach and then cover the grains of sand with more Earth. I don't think I could leave Hope and Christian without giving them some sand from the beach that brought their mamas together. I tied two sparkly butterflies to the pink roses that Sally brought down to the grave and took a tiny part of the earth with me to keep in Christian's memory box. We said goodbye to the babies and headed back to Sally's house.

I met her family who were running around getting ready for Angus' big first birthday. What a long awaited event this was! We headed down to the park where Sally's friends and family started arriving.

My heart skipped a beat when I spotted Suz. I wrapped my arms around her and yeah surprise surprise I cried. It was amazing to meet her in person. We chatted for the shortest time when Sophie arrived. More tears and hugs. This day has been in the making for 2 years. Throughout the day we all just kept hugging each other!

I got to meet Photographer Gavin Blue. Coolest guy ever. His family are just as cool too. He photographed Sally and Sophie's girls for them in the most devastating time of their lives. Gavin does amazing work with The Australian Community of Child Photographers and has suffered the loss of his own beautiful baby girl. It was an honour to meet him. It was an honour to meet everyone.

It was the most beautiful day ever and I so did not want it to end. But of course it did. I said goodbye to Sophie and Suz. I felt really down about that. I knew it would be another long wait before we could all be together in person again. Sally, Angus and Simon drove me into town and what seemed like the blink of an eye I was hugging Sally goodbye.

The rest of my time in Melbourne I spent waiting for trams and exploring the city and St Kilda with my Dad.

We went up the Eureka Tower and the view was amazing.

The floor of the lift was not so cool.

When the time came to leave Melbourne I was ready. I missed my girls! We jumped on a plane and before I knew I was at home hugging my daughters as they slept.

I was exhausted from the most epic weekend ever!

To all my gorgeous friends who treated me to the best holiday ever... Thank you. You are all awesome. To my Dad and Bro... look I am not going to apologize for walking slowly, did it ever occur to you both that you walk insanely fast?

To my little lovelies,

2010-11-18T07:43:00.000-08:00

Mama loves you. I will miss you. So much. Be good for Daddy. I will be home before you know it, with treasures from the Melbourne Christmas Fairies.

Love love love love,

Mama x

Let The Pie Throwing Begin!!!

2010-11-13T00:05:00.000-08:00

So just over a year ago I was reading a blog post by my beautiful friend Barbara. Seriously this blog post made me so fuming mad. Not at Barb but at the doctor she was writing about. He was being a loser and if I was there with her in his surgery I would have picked up the nearest pie and pegged it right at his face!

In honour of Barb and everyone who has had something crappy happen to them I held a day on my old blog. It was dedicated to throwing pies! I have decided to make this day a more regular event.

So on the 13th of each month you will be able to come in here, have a bit of a vent about what ever it is that has annoyed you and lets face it... it can be petty and THROW A PIE!

If you are joining us from facebook you can throw a pie on my page or leave a comment on here. If you are a blogger and would like to link your pie throwing post you can do so below in the Mister Linky gadget.

So who am I throwing a pie at?

MY HUSBAND. Sam you are such a Nana. Afternoon snoozes and all... BORING! I am throwing a sweet cream pie at you because no doubt I am going to get some back!

One more pie is going to the city of Melbourne. Well more accurately the weather in Melbourne. On the one weekend of the year that I am flying over you decide that the most perfect weather would be cold wet and windy. BOOOOOO to you! Rotten Prawn Pie in your face Melbourne Weather!

Join me in the pie throwing festivities won't you?. .. I dare you too!

Well it's 3am again...

2010-11-12T16:32:00.000-08:00

This is definitely my favourite song at the moment. When I get to America I will so be catching a show by this guy. I am so thankful to my friend Tim for introducing me to Gregory Alan Isakov just over a year ago.

Have a listen :)

What is your favourite song at the moment?

My Imagination Awakened

2010-11-09T23:55:00.000-08:00

Image from the movie - The Lovely Bones

Since I have been blogging I have come across many different bloggers who avoid movies or books where the main character loses a child. I have even seen blogs dedicated to warning bereaved families of movies and books that contain pregnancy, infant and child loss. I guess I understand why people want to protect each other. We have already hurt so much.

Myself? I actually love seeing movies that force the general public to endure a moment of what it is like to go through the loss of a child. I don't care that it makes me upset to see a woman on the big screen crying over her dead son. I have been there. I am still there some days. But I have been through the worst and come out of it so now when a movie or book's main focus is on the loss of a child I smile because it means thousands, maybe even millions of people will step into our world for a moment and see what it is actually like.

Since Christian died I have been drawn to movies and I would like to say books too, but no, I am too busy to read. But yeah I have been drawn to movies that involve death.

No, I am not dark and twisted, more fascinated. Yeah :) Fascinated with the process of death. I love to hear peoples different beliefs about what they think happens to each of us when we die. Whether you believe in God or not I respect everyone's beliefs. I myself do believe in Heaven. I believe in God. But I do struggle with religion.

I have no idea what happens when we die. I hope it is amazing, unbelievably beautiful, like nothing we could ever possibly experience here on Earth.

Spolier Alert - Do not read on if you wanted to watch or read The Lovely Bones.

The other week Sam hired out The Lovely Bones for me. I asked him to. He asked me if I was sure I wanted to watch it. I was.

This movie was profoundly moving, beautiful, sad, raw, brutal and magical . All in all it is a film about a young teeange girl who is murdered and how her family find her killer. I thought of all those families who have lost their loved ones to another person's hands. The hell they must go through each and every day not knowing where their children are or how they died. It would be so impossible to live with.

I don't know how I could comprehend the fact that my child was free from pain. That they had let go of Earth and were now living their eternal life in the most magical place imaginable. But a line from the movie has etched itself on my heart and it came from Suzie, the girl that was murdered.

"I wasn't gone, I was alive in my own perfect world"

They are never gone. Never.

I loved this movie, not because I am a sucker for Mark Wahlberg but because it opened my imagination to the process of death. My imagination has really always stopped at the point where I held Christian in my arms. His lifeless little body. There was nothing else. Just his death. Now I wonder about his journey to Heaven. Was it anything like what happened in this movie? It must have been amazing. Whatever happened to him. Could he see us crying over him? Was he greeted by our loved ones who have previously passed? Did he meet other people who were making their own journey to heaven? Did he keep his physical appearance or did he transition to a pure bright light? I wonder and I day dream about it. Alot.

Image from the movie The Lovely Bones

The movie opened my mind to how our children might try to communicate with us. I was recently speaking to new friends of ours about how we both believe our children send us signs but how few and far between they can be. How much easier this journey of grief would be if we had more signs from our children.

All in all it has made my everyday life just that little bit more magical. And for that I am thankful. And can I just say how beautiful I thought the score music was for this film was. I must buy the soundtrack.

Have you watched any movies that opened your imagination to the process of death at all? What do you believe happens to us when we die?

The Sun Heart Reflection

2010-11-08T21:14:00.000-08:00

For literally years now I have wanted to capture this. A love heart in the reflection of the setting sun on the water. I have seen many on the internet, mostly all photoshopped, still beautiful though... But I wanted a real one. It took just over two years and I didn't realize it had happened until that evening when I put my images on my laptop.

To whoever sent me this love heart from up above, thank you.

About A Little Turquoise Butterfly

2010-11-06T18:30:00.000-07:00

For so long I have wanted to find a Turquoise Butterfly ring.
Something that represents my son's soul. For he is as free as the butterflies.

I wanted a turquoise one to represent the sea as it is such a beautiful part of my life because of him.

So the other day I was out with my girls and my lovely Dad. As we were walking past each shop this little (Hmm maybe little is not the right word!) this rather massive turquoise butterfly caught my eye. I went into the store and picked it up. At first I thought it was a broach as it was so large but to my delight it turned out to be a silver ring.

It was the last one in the store. I bought it and took it home with me.

Of course I had to photograph it being the beautiful piece of jewellery that it is. As I was photographing it the poem my friend Maya wrote for me was running through my mind.

And so the above image is the result. I have added the image to my Heartfelt Card Line as a pregnancy and infant loss card as it was too pretty not too.

Do you have a special piece of jewellery to represent your baby/ies? This Butterfly is just one of many pieces I have now :)

Love and blessings to all.

Melbourne, Ashes and Hope

2010-11-05T19:19:00.001-07:00

Most days I am fine. You know. I think of him every day. Maybe even every waking hour. But I am okay.

I missed out on him but in a strange beautiful twist he consumes me. He is my life now. My work. My joy. My passion. I just can't see him. I can't feel him, but in some very special moments I do sense him.

In just under two weeks I am flying to Melbourne to meet up with some very gorgeous girls. One in particular is my dear friend Sally. I have known Sally for just over two years now. She found my blogpost that I wrote on the day her first daughter was stillborn. It was titled Tuesday's Hope. I wrote it after I had had the dream of Christian on the beach writing his name in the sand. The dream that started his legacy. Sally's little girl Hope was born on that very day. You can probably tell just from that little story that Sally and I have a strong bond.

When I go to Melbourne I will be taking a small portion of Christian's ashes with me. For years now I have wanted to scatter some of them but I could never quite let them go. On Sunday 21st of November I will be visiting Hope's grave with Sally. I am going to leave some of Christian's ashes there with Hope.

If you are in Melbourne and would like to come to the picnic I am organizing at the Royal Botanical Gardens come and check out the invite on facebook and let me know if you can come.

I am so looking forward to this trip. I get to see my brother, rock out with him at a show of a new friend of mine, meet up with new friends and old and spend some time photographing the beautiful city of Melbourne with my awesome old man. I don't know how I will go without my girls. I miss them already. They are my world.

Have you ever scattered your child's ashes somewhere? Whereabouts? How did you feel afterwards?

Much love and many blessings.

Beautiful Sisters

2010-11-04T02:02:00.000-07:00

I took this photo of my two beautiful friends Georgia and Maya.
They are two of the most beautiful young women I know.

I was blessed enough to share this beautiful sunset with them along with their Mum and Dad.

And The Winners Are...

2010-11-01T18:19:00.000-07:00

Okay so I was blown away by how many people entered my giveaway that I decided that more people should win. So I am giving away 4 Beach Butterfly Photograph Sets and 4 Gallery Butterflies.

To everyone who missed out, if I had the time I would draw a butterfly for all of you. I plan to have more giveaways so please keep entering.

Okay so the winners of a Beach Butterfly Photograph Set are...

Emma Louise Mccarroll
(Catriona's Mama)

Eileen Doyle
(Wayne's Mama)

Christy
(Emma's Mama)

Kristin Cook
(Stevie's Mama)

Congratulations lovely ladies! Please drop me an email after you have visited my Butterfly Gallery and let me know which Gallery Butterfly you would like along with the wording for the image. In the meantime I will get drawing at the beach!!!

You can reach me at carlydudley@live.com
I will email you the high res jpegs as soon as possible.

The Runners Up for a Gallery Butterfly are:

Tina Azizian Whitaker
(Royce's Mama)

Cheri C
(Charles Patrick's Mama)

Erica Manser
(Isla and Catharine's Mama)

Kelley Mackay
(Regan's Mama)

Congratulations Lovely Mama's after you have chosen what Gallery Butterfly you would like for your babies please drop me an email at carlydudley@live.com and let me know your chosen Butterfly along with the wording you would like. I will email you the high res jpegs as soon as possible!

Thank you to everyone who took the time to enter.

Much love and many blessing to all.

Lost Among The Daisies

2010-10-31T08:53:00.000-07:00

The inspiration for this photograph came from the first scene of the children's Disney classic Alice In Wonderland. Alice sings a song to her cat. You can watch the clip here.

These flowers are growing out of control in my beautiful Nan's garden. She always sends me home with clippings.

I am so thankful that Spring has finally arrived.

Pixie Dust

2010-10-30T09:51:00.000-07:00

One of the sweetest joys about being a mother to three daughters is that I can watch my girls sprinkle the pixie dust that the fairies left them at their bedroom windowsill.

First Ever Blog Giveaway

2010-10-28T16:33:00.001-07:00

To kick off my new blog I am celebrating with a special giveaway.

I will be giving away 3 Personalized Beach Butterfly Photograph Sets

Below is an example of the photograph set.

If you win one you will be able to choose what name you would like on the wing of your butterfly plus the wording of your choice for the second image.

I will email these images to you in a high resolution jpeg format.

All you have to do to enter the giveaway is "like" me on facebook or if you don't have a facebook account you can "Follow" me (hate that word by the way - I have chosen "Readers" rather than "Followers"!) on my right hand sidebar underneath CarlyMarie Readers.

After you have done that please leave me a comment here or on my facebook page with the name you would choose to have written on the wing of the butterfly.

Good Luck everyone. We are going to print out all the entries and place them into one of Christian's special memory boxes. Each of my Tinkerbells will then pick one name out of the box each :) I will be announcing the winners tomorrow!

Love and peace,

October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Sunset Ceremony

2010-10-28T08:18:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my new space. It is a breath of fresh air for me. Something that I have really been longing for. This place will be somewhere for me to write about anything that is on my heart. I feel as though the heavy grief that once consumed me is now lifting and leaving my body. I will always live with grief but he is not holding me so tight anymore. I know this because in the last year I have felt true happiness and I have not felt guilty for it.

I want to celebrate the wonderful life that I have. I will do that here. I hope this place is a breath of fresh air for you too no matter where you are at in your life or if you are babylost or not.

I can't think of a more beautiful moment in time to write about for my first post here other than the beach remembrance ceremony that we held down at Mullaloo Beach for October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

I wanted to do this last year with my gorgeous friend Sarah who founded Whispered Support with me. It wasn''t possible only because I was pregnant with Ocea and was experiencing some complications.

I'm an independent type of girl, I don't like to ask for help but as I envisioned the evening in my mind it became apparent very quickly that I would not be able to do it all on my own. This year I asked some of my gorgeous girlfriends to help me organize the day with me. The ceremony would not have been possible without the help of following gorgeous girls, Amy, Caoilfhionn (pronounced Keelin :) ), Emma, Holly and Sarah.

The day of the ceremony was gorgeous. The prettiest clouds I have ever seen filled the sky throughout the day. As I was laying out the back on the grass I noticed a face in the clouds. I raced in to grab Morgan AKA my camera. I took some shots and when I came inside to look at them I felt chills come over my body. This was his face. It looked just like him. I remembering whispering to myself "Christian is that really you?" The rest of the day was filled with beautiful moments. I got to share them with many of my beautiful friends who were missing their own babies.

I asked my dear friend Andy from Gormaymax Photography if he would be able to come down and take photos on the evening as I would be too busy hosting the event to take any photos myself.

Andy is one of a kind. This man who I have done nothing for in all the time that I have known him has given my family and I so much. He came down on the evening and took the most beautiful photographs. He refused to be paid for his time and services, "That is what friends are for" He said to me.

We had many people come to remember their children. I was so honoured and humbled that so many people would come to send the evening at the beach.

We released 50 white balloons and as we let go of them they drifted out to sea and disappeared into the sunset. After the balloon release we called the babies and childrens names out and their families came forward and gave some petals each to the sea. It was at that art of the ceremony that bright white lights started appearing around the families. You can see a couple of them in this photo below and no, that is not the moon.

Out of all the years Andy has been photographing the beach he never once saw anything like this appear in any of his photos. Amazing to think they only started appearing when I started calling out the names.

I have put some of the photos that Andy took below for you to see. You can find more at his website by clicking here.

Me just before the ceremony started.

The Program for the evening.

These little sand and seashell beach gift bags were given out to everyone to keep in their own childs memory box. It was such a joy for me to put them all together.

I read aloud this beautiful poem by Maya Hayden-Evans. Maya wrote this poem for me a few months ago. It is one of the most beautiful poems I have ever read.
You can read the full poem here. We gave a copy of these two images to everyone that came to the ceremony.

The following photos were all taken by Andy.

We released white balloons to represent our children that are now free pure spirits.

We watched the white balloons disappear into the sunset.

The sky was amazing.

Remembering a sister

Charlotte's parents.

Amy honouring her miscarried babies Hope, Love and Grace

Caoilfhionn remembering her beloved son Tadgh

Whenever I am feeling really sad...

I am blessed enough to always have someone who is willing to share my sorrow with me.

My beautiful team and I stood on the beach together watching a balloons fade out into the sunset and we all were so in awe of how the evening unfolded. It was simply perfect and more than I ever could have hoped for.

Christian will be 4 in January. The sadness does still creep up on me. It even catches me out of the blue like on the weekend when we met u with a new friend of ours. I listened to his daughter's story and could not hold back my tears. I was so heartbroken for him and his beautiful wife and it hit me all over again that this happened to us too.

Most days now I am just in awe and in wonder of death. Is that macarb? I mean maybe I am not so in awe of death but more its process and what actually does happen to us as our earthly life leaves our bodies.

I hope it is amazing. I hope it magical.

The Grief Effect FAQ

2010-10-28T04:57:00.000-07:00

My friend's baby just died what can I do to help?

Please click here.

Dealing with comments and questions about the death of your baby.

Please click here.

Do you have any helpful information for grieving Fathers?

Please click here.

I am pregnant again after losing our baby do you have anything information to help me?

Please click here.

What helped you the most in your grieving process?

Please click here.

Do you have any information to help us plan a funeral/memorial service for our child?

Please click here.

Do you know any good books for grieving siblings?

Please click here.

Do you know any good books to help us through our grief?

Please click here.

I am a Health Care Professional. Do you have any information on how I can be of more help in a situation where a patient's baby dies?

Please click here.

What is a shrine and how can I make one for my child?

Please click here.

Can you help us with any ideas of what we can do for our childs birthday/anniversary?

Please click here.

Butterfly Beach FAQ

2010-10-28T04:56:00.000-07:00

Can I request a butterfly to be drawn before I make a payment?

Unfortunately because the butterflies take a lot of time to drawn we can only take requests through prepaid orders.

Where can I order a butterfly from?

Please click here to see all of our Beach Butterflies

What is the difference between a Gallery Butterfly and a Personalized Butterfly?

Gallery Butterflies are pre-drawn butterflies.

Personalized Butterflies are original one off drawings with your choice of name.