Thursday, October 28, 2010

October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Sunset Ceremony

Welcome to my new space. It is a breath of fresh air for me. Something that I have really been longing for. This place will be somewhere for me to write about anything that is on my heart. I feel as though the heavy grief that once consumed me is now lifting and leaving my body. I will always live with grief but he is not holding me so tight anymore. I know this because in the last year I have felt true happiness and I have not felt guilty for it.

I want to celebrate the wonderful life that I have. I will do that here. I hope this place is a breath of fresh air for you too no matter where you are at in your life or if you are babylost or not.

I can't think of a more beautiful moment in time to write about for my first post here other than the beach remembrance ceremony that we held down at Mullaloo Beach for October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

I wanted to do this last year with my gorgeous friend Sarah who founded Whispered Support with me. It wasn''t possible only because I was pregnant with Ocea and was experiencing some complications.

I'm an independent type of girl, I don't like to ask for help but as I envisioned the evening in my mind it became apparent very quickly that I would not be able to do it all on my own. This year I asked some of my gorgeous girlfriends to help me organize the day with me. The ceremony would not have been possible without the help of following gorgeous girls, Amy, Caoilfhionn (pronounced Keelin :) ), Emma, Holly and Sarah.

The day of the ceremony was gorgeous. The prettiest clouds I have ever seen filled the sky throughout the day. As I was laying out the back on the grass I noticed a face in the clouds. I raced in to grab Morgan AKA my camera. I took some shots and when I came inside to look at them I felt chills come over my body. This was his face. It looked just like him. I remembering whispering to myself "Christian is that really you?" The rest of the day was filled with beautiful moments. I got to share them with many of my beautiful friends who were missing their own babies.

I asked my dear friend Andy from Gormaymax Photography if he would be able to come down and take photos on the evening as I would be too busy hosting the event to take any photos myself.

Andy is one of a kind. This man who I have done nothing for in all the time that I have known him has given my family and I so much. He came down on the evening and took the most beautiful photographs. He refused to be paid for his time and services, "That is what friends are for" He said to me.

We had many people come to remember their children. I was so honoured and humbled that so many people would come to send the evening at the beach.

We released 50 white balloons and as we let go of them they drifted out to sea and disappeared into the sunset. After the balloon release we called the babies and childrens names out and their families came forward and gave some petals each to the sea. It was at that art of the ceremony that bright white lights started appearing around the families. You can see a couple of them in this photo below and no, that is not the moon.

Out of all the years Andy has been photographing the beach he never once saw anything like this appear in any of his photos. Amazing to think they only started appearing when I started calling out the names.

I have put some of the photos that Andy took below for you to see. You can find more at his website by clicking here.

Me just before the ceremony started.

The Program for the evening.

These little sand and seashell beach gift bags were given out to everyone to keep in their own childs memory box. It was such a joy for me to put them all together.

I read aloud this beautiful poem by Maya Hayden-Evans. Maya wrote this poem for me a few months ago. It is one of the most beautiful poems I have ever read.
You can read the full poem here. We gave a copy of these two images to everyone that came to the ceremony.

The following photos were all taken by Andy.

We released white balloons to represent our children that are now free pure spirits.

We watched the white balloons disappear into the sunset.

The sky was amazing.

Remembering a sister

Charlotte's parents.

Amy honouring her miscarried babies Hope, Love and Grace

Caoilfhionn remembering her beloved son Tadgh

Whenever I am feeling really sad...

I am blessed enough to always have someone who is willing to share my sorrow with me.

My beautiful team and I stood on the beach together watching a balloons fade out into the sunset and we all were so in awe of how the evening unfolded. It was simply perfect and more than I ever could have hoped for.

Christian will be 4 in January. The sadness does still creep up on me. It even catches me out of the blue like on the weekend when we met u with a new friend of ours. I listened to his daughter's story and could not hold back my tears. I was so heartbroken for him and his beautiful wife and it hit me all over again that this happened to us too.

Most days now I am just in awe and in wonder of death. Is that macarb? I mean maybe I am not so in awe of death but more its process and what actually does happen to us as our earthly life leaves our bodies.

I hope it is amazing. I hope it magical.


Malory said...

It looks like it was a beautiful day. What I wouldn't give to be able to have been there. Christian's face in the clouds is amazing! Kristin, Stephanie & I had a very similiar experience. It touched me profoundly. The white lights appearing took my breath away!

Franchesca said...

What a beautiful beautiful day. I just have to say your son is gorgeous. I see his face there too, and it gives me chills just looking at the clouds. What an amazing gift to see his face in the clouds on this day.


Jennifer Ross said...

It looks like you had an amazing night. I cannot believe the clouds! I had the chills all over my body!! AMAZING!

Love the new blog.

Lisette said...

What a beautiful day of rememberence. The picture of the face in the clouds gave me the chills, that is so amazing.
I love the idea of this blog!

Sue said...

What a Magical night.
too the future

love from
Sue and Mark

Kathy L said...

How amazing!! but do you see the dragonfly or hummingbird there too?

Anonymous said...

Carly I'm so proud of you and Sam. Love you so much and we'll chat soon. This new site is simply beautiful xxx

Mary said...

Wow! That is DEFINITLY a face in the clouds. How wonderful to see your precious Christian in those beautiful clouds. I am so happy for you.