Tuesday, November 9, 2010

My Imagination Awakened

Image from the movie - The Lovely Bones

Since I have been blogging I have come across many different bloggers who avoid movies or books where the main character loses a child. I have even seen blogs dedicated to warning bereaved families of movies and books that contain pregnancy, infant and child loss. I guess I understand why people want to protect each other. We have already hurt so much.

Myself? I actually love seeing movies that force the general public to endure a moment of what it is like to go through the loss of a child. I don't care that it makes me upset to see a woman on the big screen crying over her dead son. I have been there. I am still there some days. But I have been through the worst and come out of it so now when a movie or book's main focus is on the loss of a child I smile because it means thousands, maybe even millions of people will step into our world for a moment and see what it is actually like.

Since Christian died I have been drawn to movies and I would like to say books too, but no, I am too busy to read. But yeah I have been drawn to movies that involve death.

No, I am not dark and twisted, more fascinated. Yeah :) Fascinated with the process of death. I love to hear peoples different beliefs about what they think happens to each of us when we die. Whether you believe in God or not I respect everyone's beliefs. I myself do believe in Heaven. I believe in God. But I do struggle with religion.

I have no idea what happens when we die. I hope it is amazing, unbelievably beautiful, like nothing we could ever possibly experience here on Earth.

Spolier Alert - Do not read on if you wanted to watch or read The Lovely Bones.

The other week Sam hired out The Lovely Bones for me. I asked him to. He asked me if I was sure I wanted to watch it. I was.

This movie was profoundly moving, beautiful, sad, raw, brutal and magical . All in all it is a film about a young teeange girl who is murdered and how her family find her killer. I thought of all those families who have lost their loved ones to another person's hands. The hell they must go through each and every day not knowing where their children are or how they died. It would be so impossible to live with.

I don't know how I could comprehend the fact that my child was free from pain. That they had let go of Earth and were now living their eternal life in the most magical place imaginable. But a line from the movie has etched itself on my heart and it came from Suzie, the girl that was murdered.

"I wasn't gone, I was alive in my own perfect world"

They are never gone. Never.

I loved this movie, not because I am a sucker for Mark Wahlberg but because it opened my imagination to the process of death. My imagination has really always stopped at the point where I held Christian in my arms. His lifeless little body. There was nothing else. Just his death. Now I wonder about his journey to Heaven. Was it anything like what happened in this movie? It must have been amazing. Whatever happened to him. Could he see us crying over him? Was he greeted by our loved ones who have previously passed? Did he meet other people who were making their own journey to heaven? Did he keep his physical appearance or did he transition to a pure bright light? I wonder and I day dream about it. Alot.

Image from the movie The Lovely Bones

The movie opened my mind to how our children might try to communicate with us. I was recently speaking to new friends of ours about how we both believe our children send us signs but how few and far between they can be. How much easier this journey of grief would be if we had more signs from our children.

All in all it has made my everyday life just that little bit more magical. And for that I am thankful. And can I just say how beautiful I thought the score music was for this film was. I must buy the soundtrack.

Have you watched any movies that opened your imagination to the process of death at all? What do you believe happens to us when we die?


Missy said...

I read the book long ago when it came out. Then I watched the movie with mom two months after my son died. I didn't want to but my mom did and it was on my list so I did. Interesting how my perspective of it changed from reading (not even close to thinking about being a mom) to watching (after losing two). It didn't make me as sad as I thought, but opened up that window for me as well.

~My Butterflies~ said...

Carly, I thought I was strange because I like to read of others loss, movies about loss and even peoples near death experiences.
I've also read the book which is as good as the movie.
Saying this with recently losing Isla, I wasn't about to watch Offspring initially.
James Van Praagh writes amazing books on then afterlife which opens your eyes to how it is for our precious babes.

Malory said...

I remember going to watch the "The Time Traveller's Wife" at the movies shortly after my daughter died. Honestly since all is a blur from that time I cannot remember how soon after it was, probably a few months. I had to walk out. I then brought my son to watch "UP" & even the brief cartoon portrayal of the characters losing their baby had me all upset. Now that time has passed I have been wanting to watch The Lovely Bones. I have put it off knowing it would upset me. I am also very interested in seeing Matt Damon's new movie "Hereafter". I too enjoy hearing other people's ideas on what happens when we die. It gives me something to think about. Gives me another chance to shape my own idea. I often wonder where my daughter is. I believe in God & Heaven & myself have also struggled with religion. I wonder if Heaven is anything like we imagine or if its way past our level of comprehension.

Jus and Kat said...

Carly, I am with you. I feel like I have to pay a little homage to movies that deal with death, particularly children's death, because they went there. They talk about the taboo when others don't want to. And I guess in a way, it's a little like blogland. We're all different in our grief, in the things we do to remember our children. But at the core of it all, at it's foundation, the love, the missing, the ache is all so real and very similar for us. (Not sure if this makes any sense at all or if I'm just rambling at this point. Thanks for the post!)

Kat @ In Dylan's Memory

Trena said...

I watched this movie before I was even pregnant with Bryston and Colton,and haven't thought about since until i read this. It takes on a whole new meaning now. I love the quote, "I wasn't gone, I was alive in my own perfect world". Amazing. ♥

Jill said...

I have been so drawn to movies and TV shows about loss and some people think that I am crazy for that. I can't help it though. I had many of the same thoughts as you when I watched The Lovely Bones. It really opened my imagination. I recently watched the movie, The Greatest. It is about a grieving family who lost one of their teenage sons. It was a sad movie, but it was so real. Glad you have found a little bit of magic in your days :)

Barbara said...

Strangely, I watched that very film last night. There is a scene in it where Suzie is flying along as a flash of light and colour towards... what? She reaches out and grabs a flower in the ground and stays. You know the scene?

Do you remember the daydream/vision I had where George came to see me as a young man and then jumped away, shattered into a million pieces and went back into the universe? It was THAT scene. Honestly, my jaw dropped and my heart raced. Very cool.

It is a beautiful, sad, frightening, lovely movie and the first I have watched that deals with the death of a child.

I don't believe in a god or a heaven, For me George is a part of the earth, the air, the water and the stars. He is everywhere and nowhere.


Lisette said...

I am glad I am not alone in wanting to read and see movies on death. People think I am crazy but it just means so much more to me because now I can really relate. The lovely bones really made me think. I can't wait to see "Hereafter" too. Have you seen "What dreams may come" now that movie really makes my imagine flow. I do believe in God and in heaven but that alone doesn't stop me from wondering what really happens to us.

Anonymous said...

Hi Carly and friends,

It's Lisa in WA. It continues to post as anonymous because I cannot remember my blog details.

Anyway, I posted on my FB wall just about a week ago about The Lovely Bones. I absolutely loved the movie, but was not able to read the book & I only tried to read it because Oprah said to, LOL! The movie was amazing and beautiful, comforting & glorious to me.

I was reading Barbara's note regarding her George & that he is part of the earth, the air, the water & the stars. I feel that is exactly what "heaven" is, for me anyway. I have learned a lot from my patients, mostly children, who have died, and from my Dad who just died unexpectedly less than 2 yrs ago.


Carly Marie said...

Oh Barb, that blog post you wrote will forever be etched in my heart and mind. I remember it as if you wrote it yesterday. And I know the scene, It was my favourite scene from the whole movie :)

Lisette, I have seen that movie :) It really broke my heart, but it was gorgeous.

Jill, I would so love to sit on your couch and watch a movie with you :)

Kat, you make sense ;)

Thank you ladies xxxx

Angie said...

I read this book before I became pregnant and loved it, after losing Aiden I have been a bit hesitant to watch the movie but after reading this post I really want to.

I also want to see Rabbit Hole coming out next month with Nicole Kidman. She loses her son at a young age, it looks very raw and honest. And looks like it captures all of our emotions perfectly. I hope "outsiders" are able to see it and know what we are feeling even if just for a short while.

Mary said...

I agree with you Carley, I feel myself more drawn to movies where people dare speak the emotions of my heart out loud, for others to see, and maybe for one moment, feel and understand. I am waiting in anticipation for Rabbit Hole with Nicole Kiman this Christmas...

amy said...

I had avoided this movie as it appeared on the trailers that the plot was centred around her murder and the emotional torture her father went through to try and avenge her death...
Until you saw this movie and told me otherwise :)
I'm quite looking forward to seeing it now. I can't wait to see what you've seen in this Carly, the other side of life on earth, and have my own imagination awakened. Over the years I've read books on people who have died for a short time and come back to life, their accounts of what was waiting for them on the other side was simply breathtaking - everything God has promised us and more!
I like to think of death as simply 'waking up' - then we're all back where we came from before our short time here on earth :)
Love you

Laura said...

Hey Carly! Thanks for this post for I have struggled with just this since Luke died. I have stuck to the mindless comedies hoping for laugh than another reason to cry.

Prior to Luke's death my vision of heaven was changed by "What Dreams May Come." It has taken on a whole new meaning for me now, but it a heavy movie with a very interesting twist on what heaven is like for different people.

It has given me a clear picture of what I think Luke's heaven is like and what mine might be like one day :)

Miss Ruby said...

"Was he greeted by our loved ones who have previously passed?"

No one, no matter who they are, ever passes over alone, you're always with someone [who has previously passed], as you go, being guided....


Sue said...

I have a friend you know her, her sons name is Reed. she saw so many signs from him she was so worried that she may forget them so she stared a diary of the messeges sent from him. she shared it with me and it was pretty special. she also said I could share this diary with you if you ever wanted to see it. She now reads this diary at Christmas as the family remebers Reed. I agree with Miss Ruby we never leave this world alone there is someone to greet us. as my card says. "They are not lost, they are teading a lighter path, they are not forgotten they live in our hearts forever"

love you girl