Wednesday, December 22, 2010

How you can help ease the pain for a friend or loved one this Christmas

In the last week I have received numerous emails from people wanting to know how they can help to ease the pain their friends are suffering as they have to face Christmas and the holiday season without their baby/ies.

Firstly how awesome is it that people want to help their friends who have experienced such a loss? If you are one of these friends reading this, than you should know that this world needs more friends like you.

There are so many things you could do to help ease your friend or loved one's pain. Here are a few things you may find helpful.

Firsty, accept that your friend or loved one may not feel up to participating in family gatherings or events. Allow them to hibernate if that is what they need to do.

Make sure that in your Christmas or holiday card to them you mention their childs name. Even if you just say that you are remembering or thinking of their child. This will mean more to them than you will ever know.

Do not be afraid to speak their childs name aloud. You are not reminding them that their child died. They did not forget. More than often a bereaved parent wants to make sure that their child is not forgotten so hearing their childs name come from the mouth of others is the most beautiful Christmas Carol they could ever hear.

There are many things you could do in memory for your friend's baby. You could make them a special Christmas ornament with their child's name. You could release a balloon for them (make sure you get photos of the release for the family). You could light a candle for their child and photograph it for the family, better still you could give the family a special candle in memory of their child.

You could visit the childs grave site and leave flowers or some special coloured Christmas fairy dust. Write the child a little card and leave it there for the family to find. This would be such a gift to them.

All in all there really are so many things you could do but the most important thing is to acknowledge their child. This is the greatest gift.

Try to stay clear of comments like "She is in a better place" and things like that. Their child should be with them at Christmas time.

Wishing you all lots of love for this time of the year, and if you were wanting to help out a friend or family member this holiday season I hope you found this helpful.


Caroline said...

This is so beautiful !!

Erika said...

these are wonderful ideas, carly. i have been wanting to do something special for steven's mom (my cousin who passed away in august at age 21). sometimes just doing something is what you have to do instead of trying to figure out the "perfect" something...right? i guess as a babyloss mama, i just want to get it right...but more than anything, i know she just wants steven to be remembered...just like i want my girls to be remembered.

Sue said...

Great advice sweet lady. I know so many people say "silly" things or hide as they just don't know what to do. you should do this blog every year at the start of December love the decoration thing but you know that about me and the new card is beautiful you need to get that out earlier next year. put it on you calander to do xxx love them too xxx

Franchesca said...

You are beautiful Carly. This is so needed. I love the fairy dust idea :) May have to do that for Jenna myself this year! :)

Love you!!

Jill said...

What a beautiful picture! This is perfectly written and you are so right. Just acknowledging our children is the greatest gift.

Lots of love to you!

Tegan said...

Thank you Carly :) My friend lost her baby at 39 weeks. Only a month ago. I cry everyday for all that she has missed out on. Her whole daughters life. I am going to do something really special for her, and visiting Chloe's grave is such a perfect idea. I will go early Christmas morning before her family visits her.

Thank you thank you thank you.

Anonymous said...

Great post Carly. Thank you. I'll e sharing this n (((hugs)))

Holly said...

Wonderful post Carly!

Ausmerican Housewife said...

Amen Carly! Right on the money with the "say the baby's name" bit. :D

Carly said...

Love this! Thanks for posting it.

Betty said...

All very great ideas, Carly. I wish my friends were like this. My friends and family all prefer to act like the entire pregnancy never existed...I wish just once to hear my daughters name come out of someone else's mouth.