Friday, March 18, 2011

What helped me most on my journey with grief.

Losing Christian is hands down the hardest most incredible life changing event to occur in my life.

In the early days just out from losing him one of the things that helped me the most was gardening. Digging my hands into the earth was so good for me. I worked hard in my garden. By working hard physically I was able to let out my anger out and at the same time I was creating something so beautiful. A garden for him. A garden for my family.

Something else that played an integral role in my healing process was listening to music. I am a huge lover of music and of many different genres. I found that the first few weeks after having Christian I could not fall asleep at night. I hated taking sleeping pills as they made me feel unwell the next day. So I started playing music softly before I went to sleep. Just orchestral pieces. I found myself visualizing Christian in a beautiful place just before I would fall asleep. Before when I did not play the music all I could envision was his death and his lifeless little body in my arms.

Having many friendships on the internet with other women who have lost children is by far the most helpful thing for me. They understand what I am feeling and I understand what they are going through. We are there for each other in good and hard times.

What has helped me may not work for you. We are all different. Therefore we may grieve differently. If I can say anything on a way to help you heal it would be to find yourself a hobby. Something that you love, let it be an outlet for your grief. It may be painting, exercising, singing, writing or reading. Whatever it is, if it makes you feel good, then do it. Take some time each day just for you.

Never feel weak for seeking professional help. Although counseling was not for me, it may be for you. I know a lot of women who have seeked professional help and it has been wonderful for them.

Lastly, never feel guilty for laughing. Never feeling guilty for enjoying yourself. I have read so many times that women feel they are not honouring their child because they felt happiness for a moment. If you feel happy, that is a wonderful thing. If you want to laugh then laugh as much as you want. You are not dishonouring your child, you are honouring them.